Reasons

This year has not been good to me. However I always try to find the positives in everything. There must be a reason why I suffer from massive panic attacks that feel like a heart attack and my face is half paralyzed. There just has to be.

I'm thinking that God is testing me. Maybe I've been really selfish and not considerate enough towards other people. I know for sure, that's the reason why I have panic attacks. Well, at least that's what I'd like to believe because that makes it easier for me to endure them. Yes, I now understand what people with panic attacks go through and I can relate from the bottom of my heart. I used to think that it was all in the head, but now I know most of the time you can't really do anything about it. It just comes unexpectedly at the most inconvenient of times.

Now for the facial paralysis, I have no explanation except that it makes me think twice when I look at people with a droopy face. Instead of thinking they're mentally retarded or handicapped, I know that maybe they just have Bell's Palsy. Now I know that their mental capacity might be absolutely normal. I mean I sort of look retarded with my lop-sided face so I know that people might think I'm sort of stupid. So that may be the reason...to help me relate to people with facial paralysis.

All in all, the reason for all these things happening to me is most likely because I need to start appreciating what I have. That happiness doesn't depend on material things and beauty. It's what's inside that really counts.

Do I believe that? Hmm...you tell me.