Today's post

It's funny this Bells Palsy. The past 3 days, I felt really good actually. I could leave the house and do normal stuff. I even did a little bit of cardio...just a bit. Then today I suddenly don't feel too good. My ear feels really weird like it's stuffed up and my face feels tired. I can open my mouth a bit wider now, but it seems to get tired quicker. Oh, well just have to wait some more. It's almost 4 weeks now with this and I was hoping things would be better by now. I guess now.

My friend from Hawaii arrived yesterday. I really love it when he's here as he's truly like a brother to me. He says he's gained more weight, but can't really tell the difference. Tomorrow we are supposed to leave for Bangkok, but I'm still unsure. I guess I will see how I feel tomorrow morning and I feel better, I will go. However I will meet no one and I will probably just stay in my hotel room and read all day and maybe spend some time at the pool. I have a book I'd like to read and I'm looking forward to that. The part I'm afraid of is the plane ride I guess. I really shouldn't be all the scared though. I mean it's just 6-7 hours and all I'm doing really is sitting or eating. However with the panic anxiety/bells palsy combination, I feel really jittery and nervous. I already have trouble with the anxiety thing on planes but I have to try to get over it and hope my anxiety pills work overtime. Once I arrive I should be fine. Then for my flight back, I will sleep most of the day before so I won't feel so tired for the morning flight. That should do it.

I also have been getting dizzy and feel faint. It must be not enough protein. I haven't been eating meat or anything large because my mouth wouldn't open. So I would just drink juices and nibble on pieces of bread and stuff. Maybe not enough iron. So today my protein packs from AGEL arrived and I'll be taking some with me.

Okay, time for bed and a lot of rest before my flight tomorrow. Maybe.

By the way

I just wanted to post that I went to the doctor today. I had a long chat with my doctor to see how much she knew about Bells Palsy. I also asked my psychiatrist about it. I guess they all said the same thing, but I'm glad I went because at least these doctors were much nicer than the neurologist I was seeing. Come to think of it, the neurologist didn't do anything special other than tell me to blink and smile.

Anyway, these past couple of days, I let myself sleep as much as I could and that was easy because I felt so drained. However today I have started seeing very small improvements. I'm beginning to feel the muscles in my cheek starting to move and my eyebrows are moving with a greater range of motion. I still can't smile, but my cheek doesn't feel as tight as yesterday.

I did a little walking in place, yoga, stretching and situps because I haven't worked out in 3 weeks. It felt good to do that and I didn't feel bad afterwards. I think I'm improving!

A Summer Day in Izu

Izu Peninsula is a 2 hour drive from Tokyo with no traffic. We woke up at 4am and left 30 minutes later for the trip. I have to admit I was sleeping most of the trip. This is a picture of a stream where the water is supposed to be so clean you can drink it. It's one of the places where water from Mt. Fuji accumulates. You can actually see the water coming out of the earth at some points and it's awe-inspiring.
A small fishing village where we decided to get some lunch.
My boyfriend had this tempura bowl with lots of seafood. He never even let me have a taste and it really looked good. Things like that make my far from perfect. He knows I love tempura.
Here's my seafood sushi bowl. Look at all the seafood...and it was fresh!

This fishing village was almost deserted due to the fact that the summer season was at its end.

We drove to another village where I found one of my favorite spots on this trip.

A foot bath!

And what's behind these doors?

Lo and behold, a riverside cafe! It's that just amazing!
The owner's pride shows throught the place. Everything from the coasters and glasses to the cakes and cookies are handmade!
The delicious chocolate cake with ice cream.
Two types of chiffon cake with fresh cream. I just loved this place.

The statue at lover's point. I have no idea what this place is.

This place is called Lover's Point or something like that. The view really was spectacular.
This is a view while taking a dip in a hot spring!
Another view from the baths!

A very hot day. Can you tell I'm forcing a smile?
The perfect thing for a hot day...shaved ice with mangoes!


We also spent about an hour sunbathing at a beach we found. It was really hot and seriously I thought I would get heat stroke. But this year I was ready and I brought a huge bottle of water with me and lots of sunscreen. Last year I had heatstroke at the pool.

We visited a few shops and I couldn't resist buying some things to take back with me. My boyfriend didn't buy anything as always as he's very tight with his cash. The drive home was crazy and it took us 5 hours going back. We finally got home at 11pm and as usual, my boyfriend was in a bad mood. I swear, he is such a baby! Anyway, other than my boyfriend's mood swings and stinginess, and the fact that he took me on this trip because I complained that we didn't do anything this summer, this was the highlight of my summer.

3 weeks with Bells Palsy

So it's been exactly 3 weeks since my face became paralyzed. I remember the first week being really scared and always felt nauseated. The second week I found myself with pains, but tried to stay upbeat and positive about the situation. Week 3...well not much has changed except a very subtle movement in my eyebrow and twitching in my cheek. This week I feel a bit depressed. Maybe it's because I was expecting more improvement by this time. I guess the hardest part for me is not being able to smile. Living day-to-day without smiling is taking its toll on me and it's extremely tiring, physically as well as mentally. Don't know why I'm always so tired and I read about it on another site that most people feel totally drained and that nerve healing takes up a lot of your energy. It's just really really tiring and I sometimes just want to stay in bed all day!

It's 7:45am here and as I'm blogging, I already plan on going back to bed again and gettings some z's. Yesterday, my day was extremely short. I mean, I woke up past 1:30 noon and slept at 1:00am. I even took a couple of hour naps during the day, which made my day even shorter. I never logged onto SECOND LIFE for the first time in ages. I was just too tired.

I'm hoping for more energy today. If I do, I will go to Ikebukuro to pay for my AMEX bill and to the bank to deposit some more money. I am beginning to worry about money since my work has come to a standstill.

Oh, I'm beginning to wonder if I still love my boyfriend. He seems happy though...just not me.

Wednesday

My usual routine always has been going to the gym on Wednesdays. However I have temporarily quit my membership as it doesn't seem I'd be going during my recovery.

I woke up today feeling pretty good when at 11:00, my aunt from the country came to visit. It was totally unexpected and seriously she didn't need to come. I mean there's really nothing she can do and besides my apartment is a total mess. I told her so and she said it didn't matter.

I forced her to stay away from the horrible mess of a living room and kept her in my bedroom where it was marginally acceptable. We talked for a few minutes and then she told me to lie down on the floor and that she was going to give me a good massage.

Well, honestly it was darnright painful and through bursts of saying "ouch" and "that really hurts auntie", I started to get used to the pain and afterwards felt good. Thanks auntie.

She left around 2pm and I was starving by then. As usual, after about 30 minutes of trying to maneuver the food into my mouth and chewing without getting the chunks getting stuck between my gums and mouth, I became exhausted and had to sleep. Eating has never been this difficult!!! Geesh!

I woke up around 7pm to find myself rather feverish. Now I have a slight headache and don't feel all that good. So here's to wishing tomorrow will be a better day free from headaches, unexpected visitors and a better looking face.

Looking at the bright side

Well, it's been about 2 weeks since I've had Bells Palsy. Never heard of it before but since then, I've started reading up on it intensely and visiting forums here and there to find out as much as I could about this illness. I don't even know if it's considered an illness as it's supposed to be more like an injury to a certain nerve, almost like a broken bone.

My first week was frustrating because it didn't seem as though my doctor understood what I was going through. He didn't have many answers, just general ones that didn't make me feel any better. It was like, you have it, you rest and get better in about 2-3 months. That's all. Bye. No follow up appoinment, no advice.,,.,nada.

Reading up on Bells Palsy, I realized there were many things you should and shouldn't do during recovery only through forums on the internet where other people were experiencing the same thing. So here were some important things I should do while recuperating.

I should get lots of rest and listen to my body. I should continue to take my supplements because my body needs it more so at this time in my recovery. I should keep my eyes lubricated at all times to avoid dry eye and permanent injury.

ON the other hand, I shouldn't massage it or try to force movement while recovering as it may cause further damage. I shouldn't stress myself anymore than necessary. I shouldn't be afraid to get a second or even a third opinion.

Well, the thing is, the neorologist I went to gave me absolutely no advice. What's up with that anyway?

All I say is thank God for the internet. I don't trust doctors anymore and they really piss me off sometimes. Not just with this Bells Palsy thing, but even with my panic attacks that sometimes affect me to the point where I have to call the fucking ambulance. Yeah, it feels like a good ole heart attack sometimes.

So I just have to say fuck it and learn to take control of things myself as best as I can. Getting the necessary info and finding ways to cope with whatever I have. Like I said, forums help a lot for both my Bells Palsy and panic attacks. Again, thank God for the internet. I can't say it enough.

One other thing that's been a savior is SECOND LIFE. It's something like MSN, skype and an online community all in one in a virtual world where you can pretty much do anything you like,,,seriously folks, this is cool stuff. The other day, one of my real life friend and I took a trip to the island of Mykonos. We sat on a oceanside bench just chatting. We also went to do some shopping and after that, spent about 15 minutes dancing at a gay club! Cool don't ya think?

If anyone wants to join me in Second LIfe, let me know and I'll send you a personal invite. That way we are instantly connected. Cool don't ya think?

With all the negative things that were getting me down recently, I try to focus on the bright side. This could have been worse...much worse. I've still alive and my friends sent me some beautiful flowers which brought tears to my eyes. I'm having fun in SECOND LIFE and have met some really cool people there. I have more time to talk to my mom on the phone and even my sister called. I have a great slice of delicious cheesecake today, which just made my day. I have a new bag that I just purchased for close to $1000US...yeah I know, see what can be achieved when you have Bells Palsy? Hehehe...

Like I said things could have been worse.

Bell's Palsy

Okay, to be totally honest, I've been hoping things would get better but I guess that's not the case. 3 years ago, I was told by doctors that I have panic disorder, where I sometimes feel like I'm going to die right then and there. I sometimes get heart palpitations and chest pains as well as nausea and other fun stuff. I've been living with it for years now and somehow learned to live with it. It's not fun but it's not the end of the world.Well, last week on Monday I started having neck pains. So I tried to massage the kinks out of my neck and for two days the pain didn't subside. On Wednesday, I started to feel the left side of my face getting a bit numb. I had to buy a new cell phone and had to wait for 30 minutes for them to transfer the service to the new one, so decided to wait at a nearby cafe. Ordered a cup of coffee and a piece of cinnamon toast. I love the cinnamon toast here and was really looking forward to eating it. I really didn't feel that great and forgot to bring with me my anxiety pills. I decided that it was ok since I could just rush home if something happened. The toast and coffee arrived and I opened my mouth to take a bite. However something was wrong. My mouth wouldn't fully open. Some of the cinnamon got onto my upper lip and I found that I could not manuever my tongue to lick it off. I tried taking a sip of water and I found it difficult to keep the liquid inside my mouth. Okay, now I knew something was wrong. I profusely apologized to the waitress telling her that I had an emergency I had to take care of. So I paid and left without touching my coffee and my toast, except for a small bite. I went to pick up my phone and got onto my bike to go home, all the while feeling a bit dizzy and scared that I might get into an accident.This continued throughout the day and was hoping that it was something temporary. I decided to rest and get and early night's rest and wait until morning to see if there are any improvement. When morning arrived, things hadn't improved, in fact it was worse and decided to go to the hospital. I was diagnosed with Bells Palsy, an illness where you usually paralysis on one side of your face. I was given three different pills to take, one being steroids. I started on the regimen right away, however that evening, I had a serious panic attack where my heart was beating double time, I couldn't breathe, and most of my body started going numb. I had my boyfriend call the ambulance and I started to shiver uncontrollably.Anyway, that was a week ago. I went for further testing and it showed that I had nerve damage and that it would probably take 2-3 months for my face to recover.I'm depressed and although I'm positive about the whole thing, I'm so tired. I have pain in my head and neck all the time, my face is totally paralyzed that I hate smiling because it makes me look like a freak, and refuse to meet any of my friends. I have to cut everything into small pieces as I can't really open my mouth too wide. After eating for about 15 minutes, I start getting headaches and feel so tired that I have to lie down. My left eye doesn't close completely so I have to be careful of always keeping it lubricated with eye drops, and on and on and on I can keep going with the things happening to me. It's just so tiring and I just don't feel like doing anything. The doctors don't really seem to know much about the illness and looking at different sites on the internet, it confirmed my suspicion that the doctors really don't know much about it. I know I'm just pitying myself and I have to remind myself that there are far worse things in life and things could have been worse. It's just frustrating to have to try and stay strong after the panic attacks and now this. I'm just really tired...that's all.My head is starting to hurt again and so I need to get some more sleep.