Hello hello and good morning!

Yeah weird title I know. It's a bit past 1am here in Tokyo and I was in bed for an hour and it just didn't seem like I was going to fall asleep anytime soon. So I'm at my PC once again thinking about fashion and my trip to Hawaii next week.

I'm really looking forward to my Hawaii trip. I haven't been back for nearly 3 years and I can't wait to spend Christmas with my family. I still don't really know what to get the kids, but so far, I bought a whole bunch of Japanese candies that I think they might like. Gosh, kids are hard to buy stuff for these days. I think tomorrow, I should try and look for something for my sister as well. Her boyfriend is hard because he's really picky with what he likes. Oh well, I'll just follow my instincts and buy what I think they would like.

This entire month was a busy one for me. Or should I say I had a pretty busy year! One of the projects that I started on was designing clothes for the virtual world Second Life. At first it really started out as just fun, but then I went ahead and spent $1000 on photoshop. So I figure I have to at least try and make that money back right?

Anyway, almost a year later, I'm working on my winter collection and looks like it's doing great so far. I just need to get it more known so I really need to push my PR person to push a bit harder I think. Yes, I employ a PR person in the virtual world and actually pay her! haha. Yes it all sounds crazy but it's true! I've also been asked to design a wedding dress and suit for a lesbian wedding which would be in February. Also I'll be participating in a huge fashion show in March for my spring collection. Yes it all costs money so naturally, I need to make money from my clothes. So am I making money from this little(or big?) project? You know, I am....I really am! After expenses and all, I really don't make that much. I forgot to tell you that I also own land(which I purchased for $1000US) and an upkeep of $295 per month you see. And I pay to employ people like a PR person, models, photographers, etc. Yep, this thing has gotten bigger than I thought it would be and I seriously am living my Second Life!

The funny thing is that, I am really enjoying the entire process. I've learned so much from this experience and I know I will learn much more! So what'S my goal in this virtual world you ask? Well that's easy you see. It's to become one of the top 5 designers in Second Life,....period! This is actually easier said than done, but one needs a goal like that to carry on every single day designing and working on something virtual.

I've decided to post a couple of my designs here. And yes, all of the designs were hand-painted by myself!!! Textures, patterns, buttons, shadows and fold, everything!

I am proud of this collection so here we go!

So there are two designs for women that I created. I'm too lazy to upload the men's collection but I am proud of them too.

Today, we just did a photoshoot of the new clothes with a couple of models. It took a long time but I think it's going to come out great! So many projects coming up and I haven't even done my translation work yet! hahaha

Ok, working in Real Life tomorrow on my translation work!

Yep, I am kind of weird today because I'm in a very weird mood. However I am happy and that's all that matters today.

Goodnight ;)

My sister's Japan trip 2008

My sister and I haven't seen each other for about 3 years. I really missed her and hoped so much that she would come to Tokyo to see me. She's always so busy in Hawaii and needed to spend quality time with her. Finally my dream came true and we had a really great time!
She has a new boyfriend and he came to meet up halfway through the trip. He's a good man.

One thing I'm happy about is the fact that my sister and my boyfriend really like each other.

He always asks about her and she's always saying how much she likes him. Puts a smile on my face.

I tried to think of all the places I wanted to take them. It was so difficult because there are just too many places to take them to. In the end, we ended up doing half of the things I wanted to do.

One night, we met up with my boyfriend in Marunouchi, the wall street district of Tokyo. We all got a bit wasted and that's when I got to know her boyfriend.

My sister got to meet my good friends in Tokyo. It's funny how she quickly bonded with all of them! Had so much fun that they wanted to see her again before she left.

I guess what I remember most about my sister is her smile and personality. I never knew how adorable she was until I got to know her this time. I always loved her and she will always be special to me. But this trip made me realize just how much.

I hope we can do this again sometime. I'd like to take her to Paris this time. ;)

Karuizawa 2008

Our annual trip to Karuizawa included a stop at a blueberry farm. It was the first time I ever picked fresh blueberries. After this experience, I've decided it's just much easier to buy them at the store! It's harder than it looks to find ripe blueberries.

Of course, we met up with the straight couple. This is their cat. They've decided to buy a cat since they don't have kids. Cute cat....however I am allergic to cats and I was suffering to get out of the house!

Our macrobiotic meal at the blueberry farm. I swear it took them an hour to bring out our food. By this time, we were all in a pretty bad mood and starving to death!

My sweetie pie. ;)

Dinner at a french restaurant in Karuizawa. Nice but it was actually just so-so.

The course actually starts at the bottom. Just too lazy to redo them. hehe

I really was hoping for a better dining experience. Maybe next time, we will choose a better place. Oh well.

The sherbets were lovly. The other stuff passable.

The beef dish was too heavy for us. The sauce too salty. I only ate half.

Fish was good. But a bit dry and just didn't seem all that freshly made.

Soup was just corn potage. Nothing special either. Hmmmm

The scallop dish was the best this evening. Very good.

This is where the meal starts at the french restaurant. The amuse bushe. Pastry crust with sun-dried tomatos. Really mediocre. Something I can easily make at home.

The mediocre eel dish we had for lunch. I swear, it just wasn't that good.

My sweetie pie driving. I love my partner.

Hey hey!

Wow, it's been a while since I've written in my blog. I've been so busy with so many things going on, but I admit, I've been rather lazy with the blogging. My organizational skills has diminished to about zero, and my schedule is rather messy. Maybe it's my new dog or my relatives and friends coming over....I don't know. I just know that I never seem to have enough time in a day to do everything I want to do! Anyway, let's see what's happened these few months.

Firstly, my dog Justin, can now sit and beg! haha! He also loves his daily walks! Yay! So Justin and I are fine and he's my baby now. No one can take him away from me and that's that!

Secondly, I got to spend some quality time with my sister, who I haven't seen in quite some time. We went to Thailand together and had a blast! She also met some of my closest friends in Tokyo and got along quite well with them! Her boyfriend came over to stay too. He's a bit different and seems to have a hard time bonding with people. Needless to say, we never bonded and I never really got to know him that well except that he really likes McDonald's and he's very "American". He does have some good traits though and they are good ones. He's very serious in character and personality, which is good and bad at the same time. It's bad because it can get boring. It's good because he takes things seriously and takes control and responsibility when the need arises. I'm still trying to decide whether he's good for my sister or not. He will make a good provider for a family. Not too sure about showing love and caring in the way my sister needs. I do like him though. I just need to pry him apart next time he comes over.

My sister was more charming than I remembered her to be. She has this wonderful laugh that just makes you want to laugh with her. I love her to pieces and hope that we can travel together again.

It's almost winter here in Tokyo. I really don't care so much about the cold weather mostly because it makes me feel sick. I don't know why but it just does. I hate taking showers in the winter and just the thought of leaving the house is enough to make me crawl back into my bed!

Anyway, I hope my boyfriend doesn't forget to take good care of me this Christmas. You know he's usually very unromantic this time of the year. This is when I feel especially sad sometimes just because he makes me feel that way. I do love him though for everything that he is. He just makes me sad for everything he's not. haha. Well, nobody's perfect I guess. I do love him. I love him. I love love love him. I must keep repeating to myself.

Getting better day by day and a pretty good Saturday

You know, I think my panic attacks are getting better, or should I say, getting less severe. I really think all that positive thinking and ignoring everything that stresses me out is working! I'm still extremely busy these days. Like this week, I had tons of real life work with a whole batch of translation work I had to get done, in addition to my second life work. My dog is getting crazier by the day and needs constant attention. My apartment is getting messier by the minute because of the dog and less time for cleaning. I go to the hospital twice a week for various reasons like a senior citizen, and still have to clean the house to an extent, wash dishes,cook, do the laundry, vacuum everyday(again because of shedding from my dog) constantly wiping and disinfecting the floor(again due to my dog) and.....ok, just take a deep breath and slow down. Lie down on your bed, look up at the clear blue sky(or grey sky depending on the day), think about all the good things going on in your life right now and unwind.

Yes, this is pretty much how my life works these days. I never seem to have enough time to do everything I want, but hey that's life right? I still manage to do yoga at least 3 times a day. I actually force myself away from the computer to do this, which is not easy. :) But if I dont do this, I usually end up pretty stressed out by day three and my face starts hurting and I can feel the attacks coming again. It's definitely not worth it so, I stop and get my yoga mat out. I do some yoga to de-stress. If it's a nice day, I make it a point to hop on my bike and ride a bit.

How what do I do when someone or something bugs me or does something to irritate me or get me upset? I simply ignore it and not dwell on it at that moment. If I dont like something, I will change it or make a decision right then and there as much as I can. The important thing is to keep my cool and to stay stress free because health, at this point in my life, is most important.

Ok, I am really starting to sound like an old lady!

My dog, Justin has learned to sit and beg for food. He's learned his name I think. I think he understand when I say NO, he's doing something he's not supposed to. In the morning, when I get up, he greets me and I splay myself onto the floor to just be with him for about 20 minutes. I rub him all over the place and get his gook out of his eyes. I check his teeth and other body parts for anything that might be wrong. This is our morning ritual. I dont do anything else. Then after 20 minutes, I get up and finally brush my teeth and wash my face. I make some decaf soy latte or green tea soy latte. I usually have a cup of vegetable juice as well. I start toasting a whole-wheat bagle or something of that sort in the toaster or make some miso soup with brown rice, depending on what I have left over. I check my emails while eating with one hand and petting my dog with the other. I then feed Justin his breakfast. After he eats, I keep a watchful eye on him until he decides he needs to take a dump. If he goes to his toilet and shits in the correct place, I have to make sure to really praise him until he's begging me to stop. Then I put a load of laundry into the machine, I wash my dishes, do some vacuuming and finally, I'm able to start work of any kind.

Of course, throughout the day, I take Justin for a 30 minute walk, feed him again, give him baby milk, clean his pee several times a day, clean his cage, fold laundry, work, find time for yoga, work, clean, play tug-of-war with Justin, work, clean, make dinner, work, take a shower.....something like that.

As you can see, Justin has become a major part of my life and I must say, I really truly love him to bits! I cannot imagine a life without the little rascal anymore. Every second of my dogs life, I want to make it fun and enjoyable. Wherever I go, I'm looking for new snacks he might like, toys that he might enjoy and I just cannot love him anymore than I do now. It's funny because I never thought I would ever become so attached to an animal. I love love love Justin!!!

Today, I went to Disney Sea with my boyfriend to renew our annual passports. It was a nice day and since summer is virtually over, we decided to spend some time there. It was nice and for the first time in a very long time, I did not have a panic attack.

Justin at the pet shop

Here he is at the pet shop. So cute!
He was so small he fit in your hand.

Justin

Justin arrived at my home approximately one month ago. As you can see, he loves soft things like towels and pillows. He's usually making a mess of things while I'm working on my PC. When he exhausts himself after a play session, he finds the nearest soft spot and relaxes.

Justin's a chihuahua and miniature dachshund mix breed. I fell in love at first sight.

Good days

Today I wake up feeling a bit lazy and tired. After all, I've been designing every day for the past week. Combining that with all my work and taking care of my doggie, I have a really busy day. However I'm feeling great and never felt better than I've felt in a long time. A couple of things I'm doing that's making a world of a difference. I have a routine that I try to keep to. My day starts out with lying in bed, imaging the day to be a good day with perfect health. I then do a 10-minute yoga routine to wake up my body. I consciously prepare my breakfast and eat it slowly without any distractions. I concentrate in each bite I take savoring all the flavors. After all that, and only after I've done all that, I check my emails and transactions online. I then feed my dog after taking care of his doo-doo. Play with my doggie for 20 minutes or so. Then I take a shower and get ready to start my day of work.

Depending on what's planned for the day, I take care of clients, design clothes or do translation work. I focus on each moment and enjoy every minute of my work. If I find that I'm starting to become negative, I stop doing it if possible, to recharge by stretching or having some tea or taking a short walk around the block. I also manage to do some household chores during the day. I usually have at least, one load of laundry to do. I also must vacuum the apartment everyday, since my dog arrived. I wash the dishes that my boyfriend never washed. Yesterday I also scrubbed the bathtub and cleaned the toilet and sink area.

I eat mostly macrobiotic and stick to fish and whole grains. I make sure to participate in some form of exercise during the day, no matter how busy I get. This is always a priority.

I always end my day with a 10-minute yoga session to relax and prepare for sleep. I make myself some herbal tea and go into bed and read for about 10 minutes before falling asleep.

My days are full and yes, they are very busy. However I make sure that no matter how hectic it becomes, I remain happy and focus only on good things throughout the day. This is what I have been doing and I'm noticing that my body takes care of me while I take care of my body. Today is the third day in a row with no panic attacks. I still feel funny now and then, but I don't focus on those negative feelings. I really feel better and know I will continue to feel better.

So anyway, that's basically what I've been doing. hehehe

It's raining outside today, by the way. It's cool and the rain is making the summer weather rather pleasant.

Tuesday update

Ok, it's been a while since I've posted. Too many things going on in my life. I needed to start taking control of my health and personal time. While my health is going through a very hard period in my life, I've decided to be pro-active about it and am forcing myself to change my lifestyle habits. I also have to face the fact that I need to relax and generally slow down my pace of life.

Fortunately, my doctor told me that I don't have to worry about my condition being vasculitis. You don't know how happy I was when I heard that. I was all ready for my brain biopsy and just psyched myself up for the surgery and all. In the end, everything turned out ok. However, symptoms still remain and now I'm seeing all sorts of doctors on a weekly basis. ENT doctor, neurologist, psychiatrist, anesthesiologist and I'm getting MRIs of the brain and neck, EKGs, numerous blood tests and more! They cannot figure out why I'm getting these pains in my face and neck areas. My panic attacks are getting sort of worse and now my psychiatrist is thinking that it may be something else other than a panic attack. It's funny because that's what I've been trying to tell my doctors for the past 7 years. Anyway, I generally feel worse these days then I ever have and I'm having a difficult time trying to explain my symptoms because they are just too numerous to list. Tomorrow I go to see another doctor...he wants to check out my bones or something.

Anyway, what have I been doing for myself to help me cope with this shit? Well, like I said, one is to take it easy and relax. I know I have tons of things to do in real life and Second Life. However I have to remember that real life always must come first. After that's taken care of, take care of Second Life. If I don't do that, I risk my mental health as well as my physical health. I'm going to be good to myself and do as much as I can and enjoy it while I'm doing it. I've heard so many stories about people quitting Second Life because it just got too much and I'm not that far away from that point. I don't want to get to that point so I must balance. I must also try and remember to enjoy logging in to SEcond Life. Yep, for awhile there I always felt immense stress everytime I logged in. Not a good sign at all. So how will I run my Second Life business while keeping myself sane?

I already know what I need to do. I will have to create a business plan ASAP so I can start working better and even start to enjoy Second Life again!

Back to real life...I'm working on thinking only positive thoughts in order to give out positive vibrations throughout the universe as to attract good things and only good things. If negative things happen(which they do more often than not), I just look for the positives in those experiences and go on. Now, I've been doing this for most of my life but especially with my health not cooperating, it's pretty hard to stay upbeat. However this, I realize is of upmost importance to my road to recovery of all my ailments so I need to constantly work on this. I also have been doing yoga as well as working out generally on a regular basis. No matter what kind of work I'm doing, I log off my PC to give myself a couple of hours to take care of myself.

I love doing yoga these days. I've been thinking about the people I love, what I'm thankful for in life and simple stuff like how green the trees look outside my window. I learned that you should be thinking of these things as you're doing yoga. I notice that when I do that, my yoga session goes much more smoothly, my body becomes more limber and my session just seems more enjoyable. I also feel much more refreshed at the end of my sessions.

I've been eating mostly macrobiotic lately, except for the occasional dessert, which I treat to myself once in awhile. But these days, I like to start my day off with a bowl of miso soup with lots of veggies. I only eat brown rice and for noodles, I stick to whole wheat pasta or buckwheat noodles. I mostly use extra virgin olive oil and buy only the freshest produce in season. I'm teaching myself how to make some sweet desserts with natural and wholesome ingredients using nothing processed. I made some black sesame scones the other day that tasted pretty good upon baking them, but tasted sort of chalky a day later. Well, like they say, practice makes perfect!

My dog Justin arrived into my family about a week ago. He's a cute little puppy that has unlimited energy. Because he's a puppy, I need to watch him most of the day of every single movement he makes. It's pretty tiring but I actually love doing it. By the end of the day, with the combination of my puppy, work and my health just being in less than great shape, I'm ready to just sleep. But I love Justin so much and I made a promise to him that no matter what happens, I will take care of him forever. hehehe

Ok, tomorrow is another day and good things await me I know. I will get a great night's sleep and have a fabulous day tomorrow.

hello everybody ;)

Yes, I know my titles are so unoriginal, but hey I'm just not that great at thinking up of neat titles like everyone else besides, I just have better things to do. hehe

Anyway, today is a great day. Why is it a great day? Well for starters, my day started out kind of bad. My bad was hurting and I had tons of work to do......personal work as well as Second Life work. Yeah, I actually have a business in Second Life and it is exciting to say the least. However all the real life stress come with running a business, even in Second Life. Anyway, I did a bit over an hour of yoga and decided to concentrate on what's important in my life. So while doing my yoga exercises, I focused the attention to the people around me. It really made a different in my mentality as well as getting rid of the aches in my back.

Ok, why is this simple act important to me at this stage in life? Well, for starters, it's just a really good thing to do. Hehe. Yeah, call me weird and crazy but it just feels good to focus ones attention on others besides yourself. It's stress relieving and makes me feel refreshed in a sense. The other reason is that I sort of had some news that may or may not be as bad as it might be.

I had my results from an MRI I had taken of my brain, as I was getting headaches and my pains in my face were really affecting my personal life. My doc says that there are no apparent tumors or bleeding, however there are some white spots that concerns her just a tad. She went to get it analyzed by a specialist and came back saying that it's possibly a very rare disease called vasculitis, which is an auto-immune disease where your blood vessels are inflamed. Well, I tried to stay really positive about the news so I went home without really asking my doc too much. Besides, she told me to just go home because she need to get it analyzed by another radiologist.
I went home and as per my curiosity, I searched the internet to learn the meaning of this rare disease. Well I was stunned and scared after reading about it. It seems treatable, however the medicine has side effects that run from nausea all the way to cancer. Ok, doesnt sound too good to me. Now, if the doctor does come back saying that he thinks it might be vasculitis, they would have to do a brain biopsy to be 100% sure that it is. That's how difficult it is to diagnose. Once they are sure of it, I start treatment and have to be monitored closely for any abnormal side effects or changed in my blood, kidney functions, and a whole lot more. So, after reading all that, I found that I could barely touch my food during dinner. I decided that worrying about it at this point isnt't really helping me or my brain so I decided to meditate.

I shut off my PC and decided to just relax and focus on mending myself through positive energy. Hehehe. I know it sounds crazy, but I hear it works for some people. I made myself some herbal tea to calm my nerves and went to sleep.

I woke up this morning, once again , scared. Now here I am, after doing yoga and focusing on people I love, I feel much better again. I am hoping that my results from the radiologist come back negative and that it's just some kind of blip on the radar. However I'm being realistic and I've sort of made peace with myself and my body. I will take care of my body as best as I can. I will love the people around me as much as I possibly can. I will enjoy every minute of my life because one never knows what can happen in the near future, or even tomorrow. It's not the first time I'm face with a life-threatening possibility. I will fight for life if need be for the sake of the people I love. I'm thankful for them because without them, I probably had a full life and I'm ready to just throw in the towel. Yep I almost gave in to that thought. But hey there seems to be people who need me. My mother is still alive and I remember she telling me that the greatest sin is to die before your parents. Ok mother, just pressure me. ;) I will fight as long as I have the energy and strength. I am happy today and it is strange that I feel this way. Maybe this was a wake-up call for me to remind me of what's important in life.

Gloomy morning

I woke up this morning feeling a bit blue. I had a dream right before my eyes opened. It was a dream of me breaking off the relationship with my real-life partner. It's strange because I sort of have been having these dreams...all different but same theme...for the past week. In the dream, I'm always the one that initiates the break-up. So I wake up and feel rather blue. However I do notice the feelings inside of me this morning. My partner always wakes up before me even on weekends and he's usually on his PC. I am never in a hurry to go and be with him in the living room. I usually roll around in bed wondering what I should say or how I should act. Even at nights, I hardly ever look forward to seeing him these days. I'm hating myself for all this and to tell you the truth, I really don't know where these feelings are coming from. Most likely resentment...perhaps something else...I don't know. What I know is that we do need to start communicating because if things keep going the way they are, I am bound to go and find myself cheating on him...again. I'm not sure I want to go through that again, but these feelings of being uncomfortable around my partner doesn't help my panic attacks these days...I've been having them on a daily basis. The strange thing though, is my attacks stop when I'm on holiday, away from him! Obviously, something is bothering me. I just need to find out what exactly it is that's bothering me so much and making me just a bit too unhappy because I know, he hates it when I bring up a subject like this when I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Man, it's a Saturday and I'm unhappy! Not so good.

My Bangkok trip was great. Sure, my face sort of hurt now and then on a daily basis, but that's to be expected from the after effects of my BP. Some days though, I swear, I didnt feel all that great, but at least my panic attacks decided to stay dormant, which is a rare blessing. As mentioned before, I went with my long-time friend Michael from Hawaii. He's gotten pretty big and it's obvious why. He stuffs himself silly and then goes to lie down to sleep. He doesnt exercise and he's gotten fatter as the years pass. I'm talking fat...not chubby nor big-boned....just unadultered and pure fat! He has high cholesterol, high blood pressure and is borderline diabetes. He takes medication for all of these ailments and seems to think he doesnt have to change his lifestyle habits. I am so worried about all of this. Everytime we go somewhere together, I worry that he might get a heart attack. We even had an argument at a food court after me nagging him about not eating so much. He just eats too much...like for 2-3 people! For lunch one day, he ordered a steak plate and two slices of pizza. Another time, he actually ordered the dinner set for 2 persons at KFC, which included 5 chicken, 3 barbeque wings, 2 salads, 2 orders of french fries and 2 cokes!!! At least he made them diet cokes but still...oh, did I tell you he drinks like crazy and his resting heart rate is the same as mine when I'm working out? So I am worried for his health and it gets frustrating. Oh another thing.....he has this problem with credit cards. He keeps getting more and gets deeper into debt. Yep. So many problems. And when I try to help him out, he gets really irritated and uses the same excuse. His excuse that he had a "lost" childhood, his life sucks, he has no love, blah blah blah. He never fails to mention that my life is easier and perfect which is far from the truth and when he says that, it just ticks me off. So at the food court, here I am practically yelling at him for saying that. My life was NOT easy and is never easy. Whatever I have, I worked hard and sometimes harder than anyone else for that matter. Nothing was about luck, it was through so much trial and error with the occasional bouts of wanting to just give up. It ticked me off and I couldn't control my temper at that remark. And all the self-pity....I swear I just wanted to slap his head and wake him up from his never-ending stupor! Well, just like close brothers, we made up in no time. I told him that the reason why I nag him is because I care. I'm scared for his health and I can't just sit there watching himself ruin his life. I told him I will never stop nagging him until he changes because that's what friends do. Anyway, this has been going on forever so we'll see if any changes come about.

Even with this bout of drama, Bangkok was fun. We have these occasional blasts of anger now and then and never seems to affect our relationship. Anyway, yep Bangkok was great! I never tire of the place it seems.

Ok, strange things happens right now. I had to make a brief stop because....my partner just came into the bedroom where I'm writing my post, and starts to blow me. Very strange...

Okay, post-cum, I feel a bit better. Now we're trying to decide what to do today. Michael is not waking up after coming home inebriated beyond hope at 5am this morning. Have to learn some stress control for myself and not worry too much about others. Bad bad habit of mine.

A week full of ups and downs

It's been a weird week for me. It all started last Thursday when about 8pm, I had a headache. The headached became worse and peaked in about 10 minutes...a pain I've never experienced before. I started to feel strange physically and finally I felt like I was having a heart attack or something, so had to call the ambulance. Went to the ambulance and couldn't stop shivering. My body was cold all over and it was hard to stay still. At the hospital, they did some simple tests and asked me questions. Nothing seemed to be wrong and they told me to come back if the headaches came back within the next three days and to take it easy. I wanted them to do a CT scan at least but they said no need.

I was still feeling weak and dizzy after being released so stayed in the waiting room for about 40 minutes then took a cab back home. The next day, I felt so weak I hardly could get anything done, but the doc told me to take it easy so that's what I did. The next morning though, I woke up feeling bad again and as soon as I got up, I started having a panic attack again even after I took my medication. I almost went to the hospital again, but decided to try and relax. It was hard, but it started to get better and I survived. However I was weak all over for the entire day again.

The weekend was spent just staying at home most of the time trying to get my energy back. Monday, my friend from Hawaii arrived. Tuesday, we went into town for lunch and I started to feel weak again around 5pm. Went home and went to bed at 8pm and stayed in bed until 10am.
Finally Wednesday today and I'm feeling a lot better. Went to get a haircut and had some lunch with my friend. Tomorrow I leave to Bangkok with my friend.

I hope everything is ok and nothing happens while I'm on holiday.

Last night's dream

I woke up this morning really bothered and although did not manage to get my 8 hours of sleep, forced myself to get up. I had this really weird dream and I can still remember it even though it's been more than 2 hours since I awoke.

Dream sequence one:
I board a bus leaving for the mountains in Hakone. For some reason, I have no pants on and just wearing a shirt. I'm embarrassed so I rush to get a seat, but everyone's looking at me and giving me scary stares. I try to cover myself up by stretching my shirt over my private areas. Finally we get to our final stop and everyone gets off the bus. The driver tells me to hurry up and I need to get out of the bus. I tell him to give me a few minutes to put on something.

Dream sequence two:
I arrive at the Hilton Las Vegas Hotel. I've never been there in real life and looking forward to my room. The hotel looks very old and after finding the elevators, for some reason, they dont work too well. It keeps skipping my floor. Finally it stops after a few up and downs. My room is absolutely rubbish. The lights dont work, there are leftovers from the previous customer, and now the ceiling is leaking. I call the front desk to ask for my room to be changed. She comes up and says ok. I ask her though, if this is normal and she says it is due to the hotel being really old. I have booked 2 nights but I immediately want to get out of this hotel. I start packing my suitcase, but for some reason, everything won't fit.

After these two dreams, I wake up bothered and can't get myself to sleep anymore.

Pretty basic week

We are halfway through the week and I'm still trying to create a new rythm to my life. I am forcing myself to get into bed by a certain time so that I can wake up early in the morning. I've been sleeping at 3am and waking up at 11am these days. However last night I forced myself into bed at 10, but couldn't really get to sleep until 12. I woke up at 8 this morning and hopefully tonight will be easier.

It's my boyfriend's birthday this weekend and we are heading down to Osaka. The flight takes off extremely early in the morning so we have to leave the house at 5:30am! So on Friday night, I'm hoping to be in bed by 8pm so I can feel refreshed for my flight.

Nothing special in my life, except that it's been a pretty boring week. As usual, I'm starting to feel myself getting cornered into a rut and have to try and get myself out again. Bell's Palsy has kept me cooped up inside most of the time and I still don't really enjoy meeting people. On some days, everything's fine, but sometimes for an entire week, half of my face is in pain and I start to get twitches beneath my left eye. It's really inconvenient and gets me depressed.

I have so many things I must do this week and I'm not even half done. I really need to sit down and make that list I've been meaning to tackle. Next week, I'll meet a friend for some wine and a heart-to-heart with him, which should be relaxing. I was planning on having a dinner party at my house this month, but there's just not enough time for it all. Time management is the keyword here and I am bad at it!

I'll be going to Bangkok again next month and I'm actually looking forward to it. I just want to have a good time and relax!!!

My mother's trip

Feels like a long time, yet feels like it was just yesterday. She's leaving back to Hawaii tonight and I feel kind of sad. She got me up early every morning and fed me so much food I gained close to 3 kilos since she got here. I've been eating less since yesterday so got rid of half a kilo. Now I have to burn the rest off when she leaves starting tomorrow.

Yesterday her brother and sister-in-law came over for a visit. It was fun and we all had a nice Italian lunch. Right after, her friend came for a chat and then it was off to dinner with my mom and my boyfriend. What I noticed about my mother was that whenever we go out and eat, she seems very quiet and bored. I don't think she enjoys eating out as much as she used to. She prefers staying at home these days. The only time she enjoys eating at restaurants are at buffets and now I know why. She can't stand sitting still for a long time and at buffets, she can go back and forth between sittings to get her food. Now I understand why she loves buffets so much. Even at home, she never stays still....always doing something. Wiping the table, flicking some dust off the shelves, cooking something, doing laundry, watering the plants. Always moving. I told her one day that she should just relax and she said she gets tired sitting and sleeping.

Today my boyfriend comes home early from work to have lunch with us and then he'll take us to the airport. I think I need to treat him to a nice dinner this weekend for being so nice to my mom.

Yeah, my mom was still demanding and stubborn. She sometimes gets me so stressed out it's not funny. However when she's away, I always wonder how she's doing....if she's eating well...if she's talking to someone...if she's going out for her daily walks, and I start to miss her.

Well I'll miss her again and hopefully she'll be back sometime this year. I wish her a safe and pleasant trip back and I hope she had a good time while she was here in Japan.

me and mom at Disney Sea 2008