Finally got myself to the gym today

I finally got myself to the gym today. Why is that such a big deal? Well first of all, the weather sucked big time. Second reason is because I had a serious panic attack two weeks ago at the gym during, of all things, my warm up exercises! I was hardly breaking a sweat. It was the first panic attack I had this year. I felt faint, dizzy, nauseous and my heart was racing. I ended up leaving the gym in about 5 minutes and hopped on the train, where my attack got worse. I had to get off the train because I really felt like throwing up and I didn't want to faint in front of everybody. I got off and sat on the bench. I called my boyfriend at work just in case something happened to me. I always think that I might die so I wanted to tell him I love him. How dramatic can I get? Sheeesh! Well, I decided to take a leisurely stroll back home and it took me about an hour. I had to take a nap after that and it took me about three days to totally recover. I swear, what the hell is wrong with me?

So ever since that incident, I was scared of going to the gym again, fearing another attack. I'm glad that I went today. I knew my friend was going to be there so I felt better. I took a pill to prevent any attacks from happening just in case, and I made it through my workout. I did lighter weights than usual and skipped the aerobics class.

Well there is one thing I've learned about myself and the attacks. I noticed that when I get really stressed out about something, it triggers a more intense attack. I was working myself really hard...,maybe too hard. I guess finding the right balance is crucial for anybody, including myself. For some reason, I thought I could push myself, which I did...ended up staying up until 4am every night for two weeks working. That was not a good idea.

Tomorrow is another new day and another opportunity for me to become a better person.