It's been a fairly short rainy season this year here in Tokyo and that's totally fine by me. Grey skies and constant raining does not make me happy. The Tokyo summer is pretty brutal by any standards. The other day, it was 35 degrees where I live. What makes is worse is that we have an energy shortage this year and we are expected to cut electricity usage by at least 30%. So went out and bought a fan and disconnected my air conditioning in every room. At first it took some getting used to and I had a hell of a time trying to sleep at night. I bought a "cooling" pillow, which only made me hotter. I also found something that you spray onto sheets or clothes to make you cooler. It just made my skin tingle temporarily. I also bought a cream that you apply to your skin. It instantly makes your skin feel cold but interesting only for a minute. After experimenting with these different things that is supposed to help you feel cooler, I finally just got rid of my sheets, blanket and pillows and just decided to sleep with a thin t-shirt and cool, loose underwear. I also have a glass of ice water next to my bed, which helps a bit. Anyway, it's only going to get hotter so we'll see how it goes.
My face is mostly back to normal from the bout of bell's palsy. I still have tightness in my face and for some reason it makes me feel sick sometimes but I can live with it. I take anti-anxiety meds which is supposed to help me with all of that and it seems to work a bit. The only thing I worry about sometimes is that I will become dependent on the meds. My doc says that I have nothing to worry about since they are very low dosage. I'll just take his word for it because honestly, I don't think I could deal with the facial pain without something.
This year I've been working on balancing my life. The past few years I've never worked harder in my life and I thought that was a good thing. Apparently that was one of the causes of my stress which could have contributed to my facial paralysis. I've also met some new people along the way this year. Most of these meetings seem to end after a few dates but that's just how it is. However a couple of these people have actually helped me keep my life balanced and focused. Maybe because they don't know me as well as my friends, they can be honest with me. Or perhaps they just see me in a different light. Needless to say, it is refreshing to get a different perspective of myself. I've learned that I have a tendency to feel responsible for the welfare of the people I love and this adds a tremendous amount of stress to myself. For some reason I didn't see that. I realize now that it is not my responsibility to take care of them and that what I do for them is enough. I also have to think of myself and take care of myself. I know this in theory, but I'm not so good at it. So this is what I must work on for the remainder of the year. The funny thing is that I probably would never have realized this unless I decided to go out and meet new people.
My partner has been really stressed due to his pay cut. It used to bother me because I think we are still very lucky. We have a comfortable apartment and a car. We have new computers, ipads, iphones, clothes and our health. Gosh, I can go on and on. But he seems to be in mourning. There are others who have lost homes and families during the tsunami and earthquake. I feel damn lucky to be alive and I wish he would see that. I guess that's another thing that adds to my stress. So I decided the best thing to do is to be happy for the both of us. While he's sulking and thinking dark thoughts, I'm going to enjoy life to the fullest. Maybe my happiness will rub off on him.
Summer is here and I'm ready to enjoy it!
