My sister's Japan trip:Fall 2009 Part1

My lovely sister arrived in Tokyo on October 1, 2009. This is only her second time visiting me by herself and it was a treat for me to see her again. She was a bubbly as ever and I had finished most of my work before she arrived. I wanted to spend some quality time with her.
Because she visited last year, she was already aqcuainted with my dog, Justin. This is a picture of my sister taking my dog for a walk to the video store. On this trip, we spent a lot of time at home watching videos, which was fun for me. I always enjoy watching movies with her because we are both, movie addicts.

Silver week

Yesterday was the start of silver week....a very rare 5 day holiday that's something like golden week. I'm so excited just because my partner gets a rare 5 days off!!!

Today I'm off to the Vietnamese fair at Yoyogi Park. I usually go to the Thai fair but it's my first time to this one.

Ok, off to the fair on a perfectly sunny and cool day!

Taiwan

I just got back from a 3 night trip to Taiwan with my partner. It was a well-needed vacation for me and I got to sort of recharge myself. Truth be told though, it was actually a very tiring trip and I ended up sleeping most of the day today.

So our trip started out on Thursday afternoon in Tokyo. We drove to the airport and took Justin, our dog, to the pet hotel where he would be staying for the duration of our trip. Our JAL flight was pleasant enough and the food was normal airplane food. Nothing special but it was ok. We got into Taiwan on time.

Now my boyfriend is a public transportation freak and he insisted we take the public transportation into Taipei city. So we boarded the bus for a 20 minute ride to the high-speed railway station. I was actually nervous because all the characters were in chinese and almost nothing was in english. The other thing is that most people did not speak English. So I had to depend on my partner to read and decipher what the characters meant. The train station was very modern and nice. We had about 30 minutes to kill so we wandered around the shops. There was a 7-eleven store and it was quite interesting to see how different the things are. I quite enjoyed that. The train ride itself was smooth and quick. We got to Taipei Station and caught a taxi to the hotel.

We stayed at the Sherwood Hotel. It was a nice hotel, but for some reason i expected more. I was actually a bit disappointed and probably would not stay there again. Not saying it was bad...just expected more out of a luxury hotel.

After checking in, we headed out to the train station for a visit to the night market. I found the train system in Taipei to be very good and on par with Japan's train system. We got to the night market and got ready to explore.

We were quite hungry when we arrived and I had a list of things I wanted to try. We had this snack that was quite popular with the local people. It was this crunchy pie thing that they put into a tortilla like wrapper and then pounded with a mallet to destroy the insides. It was actually quite tasty, but a bit heavy with the deep-fried insides. My partner didnt like it, so I ended up eating some of his. We then found a noodle shop where they were serving the popular beef noodles. We got some of those and some boiled dumplings. Then we found dessert and had some shaved ice with fresh mangoes and sweet milk. Yummy. :)

I also tried these cherry tomatoes on a stick that were then coated with some hard sweet candy. My boyfriend thought they were weird. I thought they were interesting. I ended up throwing most of it away though. We found a fruit stand and got some fresh mangoes and guava. We threw the guava away. It wasn't so tasty.

We also found a lot of other things that we didn't try at the night market. We were just too scared to try them mostly. Stinky tofu was very popular and I had read about them. However they were just too smelly for us. Just walking past got us feeling queasy. I know I should them one of these days. I heard that they taste better than they smell so maybe one day. There were also a lot of chicken feet, meat intestines and stuff that I was just too scared to try. Other than that though, it was a great experience that everyone has to try out once.

We got back to the hotel and took a shower before going to bed.

Next day, we woke up and I wanted to get some warm soy milk that everyone eats in Taiwan. I found one just outside the hotel so had that. It was nice and felt good in my stomach. For lunch, we headed to the popular Din Tai Fung. Gosh the line was long and hot! I got sunburned that day and was starving by the time our seats were available but it was totally worth it! These were the best dumplings I've ever eaten. They were absolutely perfect! The way the hot soup burst into your mouth...the delicate taste of the soup itself...the perfect seasoning and texture of the meat inside...and the delicious wrapper....all dipper into soy sauce and vinegar with fresh sliced ginger. Yum.

We kept things light and only ordered these dumplings with some vegetables and noodles. We then headed out for the popular shaved ice place. We had to wait in line there too, but it was soooo good. Continuing on this food journey, we had another bowl of shaved ice with local taro and sweet milk. Yummy!!!

After all that food, we went to Taipei 101, the 2nd tallest building in the world the the fastest elevators in the world! Ok, I was not expecting much from this building but my partner and I were in awe of this masterpiece. The building was really huge! The buildings in Tokyo seem tiny compared to this one building. Yes, it's that tall. We took the elevators that took us to the 89th floor in about 37 seconds or something like that. It was sooooooo quick! The view from above was like looking out from an airplane window. I love this building! We had to talk to the 91st floor outside observatory. The view from the outside is not that great because it is surrounded by a pretty tall concrete wall for safety purposes. Now there are also restaurants on the higher floors but we didn't have reservations to go there. Next time.

The base of the building itself is a huge modern mall. The decor and design is science fiction modern and we just loved this place. We ended up having dinner at the food court there. We walked around the area and we were so tired by the end of the day and feet so sore. We took a cab back to the hotel. We were just too tired to walk to the train station.

The next day was spent at the National Palace Museum. Very impressive collection and it has made me appreciate how grand Chinese history actually is. So many things I never knew and all very impressive. We had some nice tea and dim sum in the tea room. Then we caught a cab to more department stores. We wanted to buy pineapple cake and needed to go to a number of places. You really have to try all the different varieties because they all taste different from one another. Some have more filling than others, some are sweeter, some have a more buttery taste, etc etc. You will eventually find your favorite. In the end, we got a whole bunch of pineapple cake, some taiwan mochi and some famous taiwan tea. Lunch was at this local place serving noodles. Good food.

Dinner was at a Shanhainese restaurant at Taipei 101. Yes my partner wanted to go up one more time to see the night view. He promised to take me to a nice restaurant if I agreed to go. Of course I said yes. It was really nice though and the night view was actually more impressive than daytime. Dinner was wonderful and absolutely delicious! We had this chinese cabbage salad that I had never eaten before. I know it sounds really simple, but I can't even describe the dressing. It was very tangy....like vinegar and lemon, and also spicy although you couldn't see any red color. Very delicious. Our scallops and asparagus was perfect and the orange pork spareribs was so yummy! The best part of the entire dinner at least for me, was the dessert.
I ordered it because it was something I've never had in my life. It was a green tea cake with preserved plums. My god, it was delicious! There were 4 pieces and my boyfriend hates sweets so it was all mine! I couldn't finish them so we had a doggy bag to take home. It tasted just as good the next day. I wish they made these for purchase so I could take them home with me. Hmmmm......I miss those cakes already.

The final day, we mostly rested in the room and had a light breakfast at starbucks. We checked out at 10am and I had an argument with the cab driver about the fee. My partner felt bad about it and bought me another box of pineapple cake at the airport to get me into a better mood. Nice guy he is. :)

Overall, the trip was great. As you can see, we hardly had any rest and I felt exhausted everyday of the trip. Although the plane trip was short, I had my usual panic attacks on both trips. I had to take a double dose of pills to calm me down, which them made me sleepy. I do hope that someday I won't have to worry about these attacks that don't seem to go away. They are just really troublesome.

Next time, I think I'd like to take it a bit more easy in Taiwan. I'd also like to visit some other parts of the country and maybe even visit a hot spring. Taiwan is very near Japan so it's a very doable trip. People were very nice except for that taxi driver. Food was delicious. The country was exotic and modern at the same time.

This trip was written in haste so I hope you don't mind how terribly messy this post is. I am sleepy and it's midnight and I just don't have time to edit and rewrite. hehehe. Forgive me please.

Taiwan I will see you again soon.

Hawaii trip December 2008 Part 1

Room service at the hotel. The milk was actually spoiled.
We complained and they gave us free cookies. whoopee

The views from the room were actually quite nice though.

from the hotel

from the hotel

this is the view from my room at my mother's.

The North Shore of Hawaii.

Lanikai

Views from the Hilton

more pictures from my digital camera

This is a mexican restaurant in Honolulu. Burrito picture to come. I always wanted to try this place out and got to finally! how was the food? Kind of boring.

The Nieman Marcus that's literally a 5 minute walk from my mother's apartment.

The good thing about my mother's place is that it's very convenient to everywhere.

North shore in Hawaii...January 2009 I think...
The block around my mother's apartment in Hawaii.

I enjoy strolling in the early mornings in Hawaii.

This is the huge burrito that I had in Honolulu. It was actually bland.

My friend had the rice plate which was more boring.

Of course Teddy and Bobby were at my birthday party. hehehe

This is in Japan of course. Very yummy cake!

The dinner my boyfriend had purchased at an outrageous price!

My birthday cake

Macrobiotic breakfast. I started a macrobiotic diet back in January. I was busy preparing all kinds of food...mostly raw good. It was good for awhile. Strangely, my blood tests came back worse. Hmmmm.....

Justin at the beach

Springtime in Tokyo is always beautiful and something we all look forward to after the long

and cold winter. I truly hate winters in Tokyo.

Justin's first cherry blossoms. This is a stroll around my apartment in Tokyo.

I think he hardly noticed.

This is from my apartment balcony. Cherry blossoms!

Shinjuku Gyoen Park spring 2009More cherry blossoms in the park

Narita temple grounds

in Narita

The pagoda in Narita

Narita temple

Justin's 1st year

Time goes by so quickly!

Wow I can't believe it's August already! Just 4 months away from the end of the year. That'a scary thought! This year has been a crazy year for me. I've been so crazy busy with work mostly and my social life has been pretty stagnant throughout the year. I'm not complaining though and feel as if my year has been really productive. Lots of ups and downs, but all positive in my opinion.

Yes, I had internal bleeding and had a blood transfusion. But it also made me feel better afterwards and I was forced to rest for an entire week, which really did me good. I also found out my blood type, which I didn't know about. My panic attacks have gotten better and I don't get them as often. My face still hurts after being on the computer for too long, but that's something I've gotten used to. My business in Second Life is growing and I feel as if I'm on the road to success. My translation work comes to me on a regular basis. Everything is ok.

In my personal life, I have lost lots of muscle due to not going to the gym, however I did not gain any weight and I've actually lost weight, which is due in part to me losing muscle, which is not good. I still do my pushups, situps and some yoga. I also run with my dog but that's about it for me. I would love to actually join the gym again, but I just cannot see myself spending my time there 3 times a week anymore. So I'm still thinking what I should do about that.

My mother came to visit me quite unexpectedly. It was actually a very nice surprised and happy that she made it here. I made her eat a lot of food and she gained about 5 kilos while here with me. It's a good thing because she keeps thinking she has cancer but after gaining weight, she no longer thinks that is possible. Yes she worries too much and I think I got my worrying personality from her.

My sister is visiting me again this October and i'm so looking forward to that. I truly hope that she makes this visit annually. I so enjoy her visits as much as i enjoy seeing my mother.

I will go to Taiwan with my boyfriend this thursday for 3 nights. I think I'm looking forward to it. I'm not really sure. I don't know what it is, but I feel unhappy with my boyfriend again. There are days when I truly love him and other days when I just don't give a damn. Why is that? Someone please explain!!!

I have so many pictures in my digital camera that I need to post here before I lose them.
Oh, we've been having quite a few larger earthquakes recently here in Tokyo. Now that's kind of scary.

One week in hospital

What did I do to deserve this!!! Well, this was what went through my mind when my partner called the ambulance to get me to the hospital last week.

Last Thurday, I had a bowel movement. However I noticed specks of red. That was odd but I thought it sort of looked like chili pepper. I concentrated on what I ate the previous day and could not remember if I had anything resembling chilis. I decided I must be coming down with alzheimer's and shrugged it off. Besides I had no other symptoms or pain. This was around 4pm.

8pm arrived and I felt the need to go to the toilet once more. This time I knew it was something watery and I just let myself go. This time though, I noticed that the water in the toilet was bright red and it was a lot of red!!! It shocked me a bit, but still I had no pain or anything else that seemed odd. I decided that maybe I had a microscopic tear in my butt and shrugged it off again.

9pm arrived and I had to go again. This time more liquid and it truly looked like red wine. A deep red color. I stood there and a chill went through my body. I had to ask myself....is this normal? What could it be? Might it be cancer? I started to get worried but waited for my partner to come home. I didn't flush the toilet and just waited until I had an opinion from my partner.

9:30pm came and my partner got to look at it. He was pretty surprised at how much blood was in the toilet. He told me that he thinks it might be serious and to promise him to go to the hospital the next day. I told him that was what i was planning so don't worry.

10pm. I had to go again and once again, more blood. It was like the same amount kept coming out of my butt. Hmmmm.....this is really scary. I flushed the toilet and started go walk away from the bathroom when I was hit with a dizziness and weakness. I had to lie down and just decided it might be a good idea to just go to bed early.

12pm. Toilet again and yes, more blood.

1am. More blood and I am starting to feel nausea.

1:30 am. Need to go to the toilet but can't. I feel dizzy and nausea. I will just wait it out and sleep. I probably need sleep.

3:30am. I feel liquid sloshing around in my stomach and feel quite uncomfortable. I want to throw up. I can't stand. The room is spinning. I can't seem to breathe as comfortably. I wake up my partner sleeping next to me.

He tells me that my face is quite pale and I beg him to help me to the toilet. He tries but once he gets me to sit on the edge of the bed, the room starts to spin and I feel like throwing up. Uh oh,......am I having a panic attack? I figure I may be having one so I take an anti-depressant. But this is feeling really bad. And the blood. There must be more in my stomach. I try and think to myself if I really need to go to the hospital now. What if it's serious? My partner asks me if I need an ambulance and I nod yes.

4:00am the ambulance arrives. They have a wheelchair for me. I get on and tell my partner to get my bag. It's funny because I actually prepared a bag with some necessities just in case of emergency. Heading to the hospital I feel better. I start to get second thoughts and think maybe I really don't need to go to the hospital. However I'm already on my way so I decide I have to go already.

At the hospital they take my blood right away to check my hemoglobin levels. Explaining details to doctors. I start to feel cold so I ask for a blanket and also wome water as I'm feeling quite thirsty. Blood test comes back and doctor tells me I need to stay for some checks as my hemoglobin level is extremely low. He explains that the normal male has a level of 16 but I only had 9.7. Ok, it sounds bad though I don't feel as bad but I figure I need to get myself checked out. I also need to go to the toilet again and the doctor says to show him the contents of my butt. Same bucket of redness. The doctor says that this looks serious and I would probably need to be hospitalized.

I told my partner he can go home as he has to get ready for work. He promises to call later and I wait until 8:30am for the specialist to come in. Once the time comes, I go and walk to another doctor's office. They tell me I need to go to a different desk to make an appointment so I do. They give me a time of 13:00. Wow, that's four hours away. Well, I guess I could just sit somewhere besides I do feel tired. I wait in the chair but I can't keep my head straight. I feel really tired and a bit nauseated again. One of the nurses notice and she tells me to go lie down on one of the beds they have. I agree to and it feels much better. For some reason, I don't notice how tired/cold/dizzy I am until I get to the bed. Then the doctor comes in and tells me he wants to put an IV in me as well as do another blood test. I agree and he asks me to come into another room for the IV. I somehow make it to the room and sit on the chair while he starts to put the needle in me. Once he finishes I start to feel really dizzy and I can't sit anymore. He notices and calls three nurses over to help me get to bed but I don't make it. I lose consciousness just for a bit and I realized they got me to the bed and I have an oxygen mask over my mouth. I feel better but I hear the doctor calling "emergency CT Scan now!!!" to someone. Good good.....that sounds good. I don't like this anyway and I really need to get myself fixed.

Ok, they got me a bed and I just need to rest. I am officially admitted to the hospital and don't really know when I'm going to be able to go home. They come back with the blood results and tell me I am still bleeding internally though not as much. They will give me blood stopping meds via IV. I sleep most of the day and night. I wake up feeling better but weak. Doctor tells me I will not be able to eat anything until Monday. So nothing to eat from Friday until MOnday....right well.....this is what they do at detox spas so I decide this is good for me. Detoxing and maybe losing weight. Saturday and Sunday is mostly resting, getting meds via IV and blood tests.

Monday arrive and I will get a camera stuck up my butt. The experience itself was not so bad except for the drinking the 2 liters of liquid part. I tell you, the liquid tastes like watery sperm!!! Seriously!!! Like lemony with an ajax after-taste. I could not drink all of it and in the end they had to give me an enema.
They found a scab in my stomach lining at the far end of the large intestine. They found the cause. Yay!!!They still have yet to find the cause of the injury though they tell me. They think it may be some kind of parasite but cannot find anything in my daily stools. I get dinner but it's mostly liquid. Still, it's good to finally have something.

Tuesday arrives and after blood tests, my hemoglobin is now 10. Yay! They said I'm improving.

Wednesday now and another blood test. A bit lower today. 9.1. The doctor says it's a bit worrying as it is now lower than when I was first admitted. They decide they need to check my upper intestines tomorrow and also maybe a blood transfusion.

Thursday morning I go for the test. They did find a bacteria in my upper area but that's easily treated they say. It's something you usually get from your mother while an infant. But they say they need to give me a blood transfusion. My body is not making hemoglobin. My red blood cells are being depleted. They tell me they've ordered the blood yesterday just in case as I am a blood type O RH negative, which is very rare in Japan. The blood arrived looking like watery ketchup and I finally agree.

Friday morning I don't feel a different in the way I feel. All I know is that I can finally go home. In the end I was told to go on medication for 10 days to kill the amoeba just in case it is amoeba. It will cause me to feel sick but was told to just try my best to tolerate the nausea. If I feel numbness in my legs or fingers, go immediately to hospital.

So today is Sunday, two days after being released from the hospital. I feel the same...just very tired and I still am dizzy now and then. It must be due to the fact that I was in a horizontal state for a week with no food. I'm eating more and have gained 2 pounds in a day! I guess that is a good sign.

I am hoping I will not encounter too much nausea during my treatment.

A very good week!

First off, it hasn't rained as much as was predicted by the weather people. No rain whatsoever this weekend either and that makes me happy. I got quite a bit done this week workwise and did some rare socializing as well.

A really good friend of mine ended up breaking up with his boyfriend of a year and so we made plans to meet up for dinner and drinks on Thursday night. I was a bit worried as I knew he was trying really hard to make things work. So we were a group of 5 on a Thursday night drinking on the balcony of a bar in Tokyo overlooking the city. It was nice. We all got to talk about our love lives and we all had a great time pouring our hearts out. Dinner was German food, a bit too oily for my taste, but hey who came for food right? We were there just to enjoy each other's company. Nice night it was.

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went to see Angels and Demons. Actually enjoyed it much more than Da Vinci Code. Easier to follow and way more coherent. I did read both books but I didn't remember the details of Angels and Demons in the book as that was 3 years ago. Dinner was at this organic vegetable bar. Amuse Bouche was simply organic cucumbers with sea salt and olive oil. We had a salad of field greens and also a platter of a variety of organic vegetables with anchovy dip. For protein we opted for some grilled fish balls with shiso leaf and pasta with organic tomato sauce. Everything was good except for the pasta, which my boyfriend makes better.

Today we go to Costco and IKEA to do some shopping. Mangoes are in season and we need to get some of those. I also need to buy some stuff for my office. We will pick up his designer suit at the department store. My boyfriend got promoted at work and so he bought a really expensive suit, which actually makes him look rich...if that makes sense. :)

A good week it really was.

finally no rain today!!!

While not exactly sunny, at least there is no rain today. It's been raining almost non-stop for the past 5 days. The first couple of days it's ok, but after that it just puts me in slow mode. I think it sort of affects my dog too as he seems to be more lethargic during times of rain. So today when I woke up and entered my living room(aka my dog's room or Justin's room), he started jumping on me and making some strange un-dog-like sounds. Just to let you know, my dog doesn't bark. He only makes these very quiet whiny sounds when he wants something. He screams loudly when a number of fire trucks pass by, but only when there is more than one.

I've been working hard these past few weeks and it's all good. I did have this really bad headache thing last week though. My face that was affected by bell's palsy has also been hurting really bad lately and it's pretty frustrating. Today everything seems fine so far. Two days ago, I felt nauseas and sick while walking to get lunch with my partner. I didn't tell him how bad I felt but he noticed and asked me if I felt sick. I eventually did tell him after the event was over. I just couldn't talk when it was happenning....yeah that's how bad it was. I have no idea why that happens to me. Anyway I got a doctor's appointment this week so I'll try and find out then.

I have so many pictures I want to post on my blog but just don't seem to have enough time. I know one can always make time if one wants to. I know I want to. I think I'm just lazy.

I'm going to take advantage of this cloudy but non-rainy day and take my dog for his walk.

My Hawaii trip

Today is my last day of my Hawaii trip. I arrived here about 2 weeks ago and it's already time for me to leave. I'm sad that I'm leaving my family again. Also sad about leaving my friends. But I am eager to see my doggie back home and get back home to my normal life. I always seem to come here and leave here with mixed feelings. It's a weird and uncomfortable feeling. It always is.

The day I arrived, I was jet lagged as always. In order to get my back into a normal rhythm, I forced myself to stay awake as long as I could. However the next day, I felt terrible and unfortunately I found myself in bed for an entire day. I also spent a night at my sister's place but when I got back home to my mom's, I was sick again and was in bed for 2 days this time. So my trip started out with me being sick most of the time. I think it was the week before I left Japan that was at fault as I was busy like crazy, getting stressed out to the maximum. I had so many things to do and I think my body just broke down when I got here.

I did all the usual things....eating and shopping, walking on the beach,etc. My boyfriend met up with me for 5 days during the trip which was nice. I always have a good time with him and so that was great. I met up with my friend Michael just twice this time, as he's been quite busy with work. I wish I could've spent more time with him but hey that's life right. I got to spend some quality time with my sister and that was a treat for me.

My mother is getting old and cranky. She's also getting moody and seems to be out of control with her emotions. It is frustrating, irritating and sad. When I come to Hawaii, I love seeing her. At the same time, she gets me quite stressed and puts a damper on my days here. I know it sounds really mean and I'm hating myself for even thinking that. However it's true and though it may be mean and not right to feel this way, it's the truth. I find myself ready to snap and lose my temper but I fight it and fortunately, what I'm thinking doesn't manifest itself into actual words. I sometimes wish I could have an honest heart-to-heart talk with my mother, but if I do, I know it would make her really sad. I prefer her to keep thinking that she's not frustrating me.
But it's hard and I don't know why I'm having a harder time dealing with it. Is it me that's changing or is it my mother that's changed? Yes, my mother has always been cranky and difficult, but not to this extent, never. She used to smile a lot more and she was fun. She used to take walks and enjoyed little things. Now she's difficult and it gets harder and harder to get her to smile. She talks about getting old and it almost seems as if she is tired of living. She no longer cooks and no matter what I do to try and help her to eat or cook, she doesnt seem to be making any effort. If I leave the house for the entire day, she is cranky and moody when I get back. If I spend a few hours with my sister, she gets upset and acts like a jealous wife. If I talk too long on the phone with my best friend, she wants me to get off as quick as possible.

I remember telling my sister on the phone a few years back that she has to just deal with my mother the best she can. My sister did just that and she still does. I absolutely give her credit for that. I can see that she is trying her hardest to keep things in place and not to rock the boat. I noticed for the first time that my sister and I are doing something very similiar. We are both careful not to get my mother angry. We are both always trying to keep her as happy as possible. We are both frustrated at the effort it required. We are both tired and sometimes feel like our brains are just going to snap. We both love her with our hearts. We both are happy that we were born her children. We are both trying to deal with this the best we can. It is equally difficult for the both of us.

My sister calls my mother on a regular basis but only when she has the energy. I call my mother only when I have the energy. My sister visits her only when she is sure she can handle it. I visit my mother but have to mentally prepare myself before my actual visit.

Now, is this normal for everyone else? It makes me wonder. I used to take it in stride....dealing with my mother. Maybe because she and I were younger, my mother not as fragile. So it was easier to confront her directly without thinking she would pass away due to my outburst or something. So I find myself constantly tense when I'm around her. Is this the way it's supposed to be? Why am I finding is to difficult? Do I have issues I haven't dealt with? What the hell is wrong with me? I really don't know and I think it's time for me to try and find out what it is.

My sister on the other hand, has been a blessing for me. We've always been close, but not as close as we are now. We were very close of course when we were kids, but I think we sort of drifted apart after I moved away. She had a family to take care of and I had to find myself in another country. We both grew up and evolved into lovely human beings I think. I have come to realize that she's is the one person I can actually talk to about family stuff. I never knew how comforting it was to be able to do that. As we get older, I think we are seeing that our lives are not really all that different. Sure, we live in different countries, she's straight and I'm gay, she has kids, I have a dog, etc, etc, etc,. But we really aren't that different which just goes to show that we really are related. hahaha

I was also happy about being able to see my nephews. Andrew, the older one, is having problems. He's an adolescent and is having growing pains like you wouldn't believe. The scary part is that, he's probably going through a repeat of my life when I was his age, except that he's not gay(at least I think he's not) and I was a confused gay boy. So I can totally relate to what he's going through and that's what's worrying me. I wish I could tell him that the road he's taking is a very difficult road indeed. I hope he realizes sooner than I did and start to change for the better. I feel so much love for the boy and it pains me to see him so lost and angry. It also hurts me to see my sister in so much agony over it. As for Taylor, the younger one, he's going to be just fine! He's growing up to be a handsome and well-adjusted individual and he just puts a smile on my face. I love them both and I'm glad to have met them this time around.

My sister's boyfriend of 2 years is trying his best. He is far from perfect I tell you and he has a lot of growing up to do. However he does have good traits and he would make a perfect husband if he's able to open up and try to see things from a different perspective other than his own. This is his biggest problem and it will hinder his progress. I do like him though and I only wish the best for him. I look forward to the day when I can meet my sister and her boyfriend without them arguing all the time. It's very heart-breaking to see and confusing as well. It's a very strange and complex relationship.

My best friend Michael needs to change starting last year!!! I get so frustrated at his laziness and procrastinating habits. Sure he's depressed and sure he has no life but as everyone knows, those things are the cause of choices he has made and that's that! Period! If he can do this one thing, everything would change for the better and I can pretty much guarantee that! Oh, I worry about this guy so much it's rediculous.

Now one of the highlights of this trip was meeting a very old ex of mine. I really was in love with this guy so it was weird seeing this guy over dinner again. I was glad I did though and I only have good wishes for him. I hope to meet him over dinner and drinks again very soon. He's a good guy and he deserves to be happy.

So like I said, it's been a mixed trip for me this time. It's been quite emotional for me on a personal level. Yes, when I go back to Tokyo, life goes on. However I'm not sure if I want to avoid these things anymore. If I could do something to change things, I want to do that. But what do I do is the question. I havent got a clue and I'm not happy about it.

Feeling better this week.

You know, I hate being negative about anything. It really annoys me and it never does me any good to be in a negative state, which is why I'm happy to say that this week has been a much better week for me. Emotionally I seem to be more stable and feeling happier. I'm slowly getting my energy back and after a few days of just vegging out in front of the TV, I'm now back to working with renewed energy and focus.

I lost a couple of kilos over the past week, but that was in due to me low-carbing during the weekdays. You know, I've been eating very little carbs for the past 3 years and it actually makes me feel better. But I started to eat normal food again sometime last year and I had gained about 3 kilos I think. Now I'm back to a good weight again just after a week and a half of low carbing. This time though, I've changed the diet a bit.

You see, starting this year, I started to eat macrobiotically. As much as I can, I eat organic food. I hardly ever eat meat and stick to fish, tofu, beans and nuts for protein. So I combine this with eating low-carb which means, no grains or starch during the weekdays.

I will have my whole grains, such as brown rice, whole wheat pasta, etc during the weekends. That's also when I treat myself to some cake as well. It always helps knowing that I'll be able to eat some junk food at the end of the week to reward myself.

I was never into fast-food so it's easy for me to stay away. I also don't care for potato chips and stuff like that, unless they are organic or the really good kind....you know, cooked in olive oil and seasonsed with sea salt.

My dog has started to pee in specific areas around the house. I think he's started "marking" and although it doesnt really bother me, it does keep me rather busy and running all over the house trying to clean up after him. I do scold him for doing it, but feel like I'm doing a cheap imitation of my mother. That REALLY bothers me!

My week

I know I should blog more so I can keep up with my life. I've been so busy with things that time just goes by too quickly for me. I sometimes wish there were three of me to go around. That way each one of me can work 8 hours each. That would be cool huh?

This week was just kind of a blur to me. I can't really explain why. Nothing different about my week compared to other weeks. Just a blur though. Did nothing of significance. Did a lot of meaningless things. Things looked different to me this week. Even my dog looked different. Strange. I also felt sad one day, then I felt light and happy the next. Mood swings galore!

It's past 1am now and I just felt the need to vent. I had a really bad attack of something tonight while taking my dog for a walk. I didn't feel too well the entire day actually, but especially since 5pm, I sort of felt sick. I thought maybe it was just due to some of the meds I take for various things. I don't know. Maybe it's the change in eating habits? Hmmmm.....Not enough meat maybe?

Whatever it is, this week was just not a good one for me. It almost feels like depression. I think I went through a period of depression about 10 years ago. But why would I feel depressed all of a sudden?

Well, whatever it is, I at least got to watch a lot of movies on DVD this week. It was a couch potato sort of week for me.

OH......funny thing is that I just thought of something at this very moment.
I feel unhappy with my partner. Now why could that be? I have been feeling more and more
unsatisfied with our relationship. I wish I knew why. We still have sex, though it's very routine. We hardly kiss or hold hands anymore. We mostly talk about work and our dog. Why do I feel that something crucial is missing? Why can't I just be happy?

Man, I swear....it's like the year 2000 for me all over again.

Year 2008

Happy new year!!! It's been such a long and somewhat a year filled with challenges for me but hey, here I am! I made it! I'm still alive! hahaha! Yeah, that's how I feel! According to the Japanese calendar, The years 2006-2008 were the "bad" years for me where back luck and misfortunes are waiting to pounce on me. Whether or not that's true, it certainly has come true for me. 2007 was the main "bad" year and that's when I came down with Bell's Palsy! The year 2008 started out with my face paralyzed, my panic attacks getting worse and my health overall, just going down the drain. My social life was at an all-time low and my relationship was in shambles. However at the beginning of 2008, I remember telling myself that I just need to make it through 2008 and to take things one day at a time. I decided to concentrate on several things during the year.

1. Don't start anything new with the exception of my clothing business in virtual reality.
2. Eat macrobiotic as much as possible and to learn how to heal my body with foods.
3. Yoga
4. Meditation
5.Think positive
6.Fix my relationship
7.Get back in touch with key friends

So did I actually do all of the above? You know, actually I did! I didn't do yoga as much as I'd wanted to but I was so busy doing everything else. I did learn how to incorporate yoga into my life in small 10-minute increments throughout the day. I also learned how to control my panic attacks through breathing techniques and meditation. Positive thinking also helped. I also got a dog and although it was hard at first, I can't imagine life without a dog now. My relationship is the best it has ever been and I am back in touch with a few friends dear to my heart. I have learned so much about eating good food for health this year as well.

I think I'll jot down some of my highlights of the past year.

My relationship has gotten much better. It's never perfect, but it seems that the longer we're together, the more I see what a wonderful man my partner is. I really love him. Our sex has never been better. Without going into details, he satisfies me in all ways. Now if we had sex more often, I would be happier, but hey one does have to work during the week.

We got a dog. I never believed that a dog could add so much to the quality of your life. I love him so much I can't believe how much! Taking care of him takes lots of time and energy. But for some reason, I don't hate doing all that for my dog. It actually makes me happy. Strange no? The training, the cleaning, the taking it for a walk, paying attention to him, etc. All of it, no problem because I love him so much!The thing though is that my partner loves him as much as I do and it's as if we have a child together. Sounds really stupid, but really it feels that way.

I started researching a lot about natural healing and how using food can actually help your body heal. Of course the more research you do, the more confusing things gets. It seems my body responds favorably to low carb eating. Lots of people won't agree that it's a healthy way of eating, but for me, it seems to improve my blood work dramatically. The thing though, is that I sort of tweak my low-carb diet. It's not all about eating meat because I don't really like meat. I add fish and soy to my diet and beans. I also eat sugary sweets once a week as that's my weak point. I guess that's my vice, like smoking. I also have miso soup in the mornings and if I eat rice, I usually have brown or white with whole grains in them. I eat fresh fruits but keep it to 2-3 servings a day. I eat lots of vegetables and I pickle my own too with sea salt and splenda. I do take honey everyday with my herbal tea. So you see, it's a mish mash of eating good carbs that don't spike your blood sugar and whole grains as well as healthful foods like raw honey, organic vegetables and fruits and stuff like that. My body does look best when I stick to a strict low carb diet. so those who say low carb diets don't work are lying. They absolutely do work! Seriously they do! And they are NOT difficult! I've been trying to focus on what I put into my body. When I do this, I notice that I can actually taste the food I'm eating. I also seem to prefer simpler foods when I do that. I notice the subtle tastes of fresh, whole foods without all the seasonings. Very interesting.

My panic attacks have gotten much better as the year progressed. I still feel the occasional attack coming and I do feel sick now and then. But I seem to be able to manage the situation better than before. After all the visits to the hospital and various doctors that tell me nothing is wrong, I figure I have to take things into my own hands. Try to make these aches and pains go away holistically instead.

This year, I took my mother and sister to Thailand separately. Those were definitely my highlights. I must admit I did enjoy the trip with my sister much more just because my mother gave me a lot of stress on this trip. I think she stressed me out so much more on this trip than any other before. She seems to be getting crankier and nit picky about everything. I guess it's just her age or something. I got to know my sister much better through this trip and that was definitely a good thing.

This year I found out who my friends really were. I have a handful of wonderful people that I call my friends. I love them to pieces and appreciate them for being who they are.

So that's basically the past year for me. I read a lot of books, I learned a lot about women's fashion, I worked hard in my own way, learned how to manage my time better, and discovered a few new foods along the way.

Not a bad year at all!

Hello hello and good morning!

Yeah weird title I know. It's a bit past 1am here in Tokyo and I was in bed for an hour and it just didn't seem like I was going to fall asleep anytime soon. So I'm at my PC once again thinking about fashion and my trip to Hawaii next week.

I'm really looking forward to my Hawaii trip. I haven't been back for nearly 3 years and I can't wait to spend Christmas with my family. I still don't really know what to get the kids, but so far, I bought a whole bunch of Japanese candies that I think they might like. Gosh, kids are hard to buy stuff for these days. I think tomorrow, I should try and look for something for my sister as well. Her boyfriend is hard because he's really picky with what he likes. Oh well, I'll just follow my instincts and buy what I think they would like.

This entire month was a busy one for me. Or should I say I had a pretty busy year! One of the projects that I started on was designing clothes for the virtual world Second Life. At first it really started out as just fun, but then I went ahead and spent $1000 on photoshop. So I figure I have to at least try and make that money back right?

Anyway, almost a year later, I'm working on my winter collection and looks like it's doing great so far. I just need to get it more known so I really need to push my PR person to push a bit harder I think. Yes, I employ a PR person in the virtual world and actually pay her! haha. Yes it all sounds crazy but it's true! I've also been asked to design a wedding dress and suit for a lesbian wedding which would be in February. Also I'll be participating in a huge fashion show in March for my spring collection. Yes it all costs money so naturally, I need to make money from my clothes. So am I making money from this little(or big?) project? You know, I am....I really am! After expenses and all, I really don't make that much. I forgot to tell you that I also own land(which I purchased for $1000US) and an upkeep of $295 per month you see. And I pay to employ people like a PR person, models, photographers, etc. Yep, this thing has gotten bigger than I thought it would be and I seriously am living my Second Life!

The funny thing is that, I am really enjoying the entire process. I've learned so much from this experience and I know I will learn much more! So what'S my goal in this virtual world you ask? Well that's easy you see. It's to become one of the top 5 designers in Second Life,....period! This is actually easier said than done, but one needs a goal like that to carry on every single day designing and working on something virtual.

I've decided to post a couple of my designs here. And yes, all of the designs were hand-painted by myself!!! Textures, patterns, buttons, shadows and fold, everything!

I am proud of this collection so here we go!

So there are two designs for women that I created. I'm too lazy to upload the men's collection but I am proud of them too.

Today, we just did a photoshoot of the new clothes with a couple of models. It took a long time but I think it's going to come out great! So many projects coming up and I haven't even done my translation work yet! hahaha

Ok, working in Real Life tomorrow on my translation work!

Yep, I am kind of weird today because I'm in a very weird mood. However I am happy and that's all that matters today.

Goodnight ;)

My sister's Japan trip 2008

My sister and I haven't seen each other for about 3 years. I really missed her and hoped so much that she would come to Tokyo to see me. She's always so busy in Hawaii and needed to spend quality time with her. Finally my dream came true and we had a really great time!
She has a new boyfriend and he came to meet up halfway through the trip. He's a good man.

One thing I'm happy about is the fact that my sister and my boyfriend really like each other.

He always asks about her and she's always saying how much she likes him. Puts a smile on my face.

I tried to think of all the places I wanted to take them. It was so difficult because there are just too many places to take them to. In the end, we ended up doing half of the things I wanted to do.

One night, we met up with my boyfriend in Marunouchi, the wall street district of Tokyo. We all got a bit wasted and that's when I got to know her boyfriend.

My sister got to meet my good friends in Tokyo. It's funny how she quickly bonded with all of them! Had so much fun that they wanted to see her again before she left.

I guess what I remember most about my sister is her smile and personality. I never knew how adorable she was until I got to know her this time. I always loved her and she will always be special to me. But this trip made me realize just how much.

I hope we can do this again sometime. I'd like to take her to Paris this time. ;)