Yes, I know my titles are so unoriginal, but hey I'm just not that great at thinking up of neat titles like everyone else besides, I just have better things to do. hehe
Anyway, today is a great day. Why is it a great day? Well for starters, my day started out kind of bad. My bad was hurting and I had tons of work to do......personal work as well as Second Life work. Yeah, I actually have a business in Second Life and it is exciting to say the least. However all the real life stress come with running a business, even in Second Life. Anyway, I did a bit over an hour of yoga and decided to concentrate on what's important in my life. So while doing my yoga exercises, I focused the attention to the people around me. It really made a different in my mentality as well as getting rid of the aches in my back.
Ok, why is this simple act important to me at this stage in life? Well, for starters, it's just a really good thing to do. Hehe. Yeah, call me weird and crazy but it just feels good to focus ones attention on others besides yourself. It's stress relieving and makes me feel refreshed in a sense. The other reason is that I sort of had some news that may or may not be as bad as it might be.
I had my results from an MRI I had taken of my brain, as I was getting headaches and my pains in my face were really affecting my personal life. My doc says that there are no apparent tumors or bleeding, however there are some white spots that concerns her just a tad. She went to get it analyzed by a specialist and came back saying that it's possibly a very rare disease called vasculitis, which is an auto-immune disease where your blood vessels are inflamed. Well, I tried to stay really positive about the news so I went home without really asking my doc too much. Besides, she told me to just go home because she need to get it analyzed by another radiologist.
I went home and as per my curiosity, I searched the internet to learn the meaning of this rare disease. Well I was stunned and scared after reading about it. It seems treatable, however the medicine has side effects that run from nausea all the way to cancer. Ok, doesnt sound too good to me. Now, if the doctor does come back saying that he thinks it might be vasculitis, they would have to do a brain biopsy to be 100% sure that it is. That's how difficult it is to diagnose. Once they are sure of it, I start treatment and have to be monitored closely for any abnormal side effects or changed in my blood, kidney functions, and a whole lot more. So, after reading all that, I found that I could barely touch my food during dinner. I decided that worrying about it at this point isnt't really helping me or my brain so I decided to meditate.
I shut off my PC and decided to just relax and focus on mending myself through positive energy. Hehehe. I know it sounds crazy, but I hear it works for some people. I made myself some herbal tea to calm my nerves and went to sleep.
I woke up this morning, once again , scared. Now here I am, after doing yoga and focusing on people I love, I feel much better again. I am hoping that my results from the radiologist come back negative and that it's just some kind of blip on the radar. However I'm being realistic and I've sort of made peace with myself and my body. I will take care of my body as best as I can. I will love the people around me as much as I possibly can. I will enjoy every minute of my life because one never knows what can happen in the near future, or even tomorrow. It's not the first time I'm face with a life-threatening possibility. I will fight for life if need be for the sake of the people I love. I'm thankful for them because without them, I probably had a full life and I'm ready to just throw in the towel. Yep I almost gave in to that thought. But hey there seems to be people who need me. My mother is still alive and I remember she telling me that the greatest sin is to die before your parents. Ok mother, just pressure me. ;) I will fight as long as I have the energy and strength. I am happy today and it is strange that I feel this way. Maybe this was a wake-up call for me to remind me of what's important in life.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Gloomy morning
I woke up this morning feeling a bit blue. I had a dream right before my eyes opened. It was a dream of me breaking off the relationship with my real-life partner. It's strange because I sort of have been having these dreams...all different but same theme...for the past week. In the dream, I'm always the one that initiates the break-up. So I wake up and feel rather blue. However I do notice the feelings inside of me this morning. My partner always wakes up before me even on weekends and he's usually on his PC. I am never in a hurry to go and be with him in the living room. I usually roll around in bed wondering what I should say or how I should act. Even at nights, I hardly ever look forward to seeing him these days. I'm hating myself for all this and to tell you the truth, I really don't know where these feelings are coming from. Most likely resentment...perhaps something else...I don't know. What I know is that we do need to start communicating because if things keep going the way they are, I am bound to go and find myself cheating on him...again. I'm not sure I want to go through that again, but these feelings of being uncomfortable around my partner doesn't help my panic attacks these days...I've been having them on a daily basis. The strange thing though, is my attacks stop when I'm on holiday, away from him! Obviously, something is bothering me. I just need to find out what exactly it is that's bothering me so much and making me just a bit too unhappy because I know, he hates it when I bring up a subject like this when I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Man, it's a Saturday and I'm unhappy! Not so good.
My Bangkok trip was great. Sure, my face sort of hurt now and then on a daily basis, but that's to be expected from the after effects of my BP. Some days though, I swear, I didnt feel all that great, but at least my panic attacks decided to stay dormant, which is a rare blessing. As mentioned before, I went with my long-time friend Michael from Hawaii. He's gotten pretty big and it's obvious why. He stuffs himself silly and then goes to lie down to sleep. He doesnt exercise and he's gotten fatter as the years pass. I'm talking fat...not chubby nor big-boned....just unadultered and pure fat! He has high cholesterol, high blood pressure and is borderline diabetes. He takes medication for all of these ailments and seems to think he doesnt have to change his lifestyle habits. I am so worried about all of this. Everytime we go somewhere together, I worry that he might get a heart attack. We even had an argument at a food court after me nagging him about not eating so much. He just eats too much...like for 2-3 people! For lunch one day, he ordered a steak plate and two slices of pizza. Another time, he actually ordered the dinner set for 2 persons at KFC, which included 5 chicken, 3 barbeque wings, 2 salads, 2 orders of french fries and 2 cokes!!! At least he made them diet cokes but still...oh, did I tell you he drinks like crazy and his resting heart rate is the same as mine when I'm working out? So I am worried for his health and it gets frustrating. Oh another thing.....he has this problem with credit cards. He keeps getting more and gets deeper into debt. Yep. So many problems. And when I try to help him out, he gets really irritated and uses the same excuse. His excuse that he had a "lost" childhood, his life sucks, he has no love, blah blah blah. He never fails to mention that my life is easier and perfect which is far from the truth and when he says that, it just ticks me off. So at the food court, here I am practically yelling at him for saying that. My life was NOT easy and is never easy. Whatever I have, I worked hard and sometimes harder than anyone else for that matter. Nothing was about luck, it was through so much trial and error with the occasional bouts of wanting to just give up. It ticked me off and I couldn't control my temper at that remark. And all the self-pity....I swear I just wanted to slap his head and wake him up from his never-ending stupor! Well, just like close brothers, we made up in no time. I told him that the reason why I nag him is because I care. I'm scared for his health and I can't just sit there watching himself ruin his life. I told him I will never stop nagging him until he changes because that's what friends do. Anyway, this has been going on forever so we'll see if any changes come about.
Even with this bout of drama, Bangkok was fun. We have these occasional blasts of anger now and then and never seems to affect our relationship. Anyway, yep Bangkok was great! I never tire of the place it seems.
Ok, strange things happens right now. I had to make a brief stop because....my partner just came into the bedroom where I'm writing my post, and starts to blow me. Very strange...
Okay, post-cum, I feel a bit better. Now we're trying to decide what to do today. Michael is not waking up after coming home inebriated beyond hope at 5am this morning. Have to learn some stress control for myself and not worry too much about others. Bad bad habit of mine.
My Bangkok trip was great. Sure, my face sort of hurt now and then on a daily basis, but that's to be expected from the after effects of my BP. Some days though, I swear, I didnt feel all that great, but at least my panic attacks decided to stay dormant, which is a rare blessing. As mentioned before, I went with my long-time friend Michael from Hawaii. He's gotten pretty big and it's obvious why. He stuffs himself silly and then goes to lie down to sleep. He doesnt exercise and he's gotten fatter as the years pass. I'm talking fat...not chubby nor big-boned....just unadultered and pure fat! He has high cholesterol, high blood pressure and is borderline diabetes. He takes medication for all of these ailments and seems to think he doesnt have to change his lifestyle habits. I am so worried about all of this. Everytime we go somewhere together, I worry that he might get a heart attack. We even had an argument at a food court after me nagging him about not eating so much. He just eats too much...like for 2-3 people! For lunch one day, he ordered a steak plate and two slices of pizza. Another time, he actually ordered the dinner set for 2 persons at KFC, which included 5 chicken, 3 barbeque wings, 2 salads, 2 orders of french fries and 2 cokes!!! At least he made them diet cokes but still...oh, did I tell you he drinks like crazy and his resting heart rate is the same as mine when I'm working out? So I am worried for his health and it gets frustrating. Oh another thing.....he has this problem with credit cards. He keeps getting more and gets deeper into debt. Yep. So many problems. And when I try to help him out, he gets really irritated and uses the same excuse. His excuse that he had a "lost" childhood, his life sucks, he has no love, blah blah blah. He never fails to mention that my life is easier and perfect which is far from the truth and when he says that, it just ticks me off. So at the food court, here I am practically yelling at him for saying that. My life was NOT easy and is never easy. Whatever I have, I worked hard and sometimes harder than anyone else for that matter. Nothing was about luck, it was through so much trial and error with the occasional bouts of wanting to just give up. It ticked me off and I couldn't control my temper at that remark. And all the self-pity....I swear I just wanted to slap his head and wake him up from his never-ending stupor! Well, just like close brothers, we made up in no time. I told him that the reason why I nag him is because I care. I'm scared for his health and I can't just sit there watching himself ruin his life. I told him I will never stop nagging him until he changes because that's what friends do. Anyway, this has been going on forever so we'll see if any changes come about.
Even with this bout of drama, Bangkok was fun. We have these occasional blasts of anger now and then and never seems to affect our relationship. Anyway, yep Bangkok was great! I never tire of the place it seems.
Ok, strange things happens right now. I had to make a brief stop because....my partner just came into the bedroom where I'm writing my post, and starts to blow me. Very strange...
Okay, post-cum, I feel a bit better. Now we're trying to decide what to do today. Michael is not waking up after coming home inebriated beyond hope at 5am this morning. Have to learn some stress control for myself and not worry too much about others. Bad bad habit of mine.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
A week full of ups and downs
It's been a weird week for me. It all started last Thursday when about 8pm, I had a headache. The headached became worse and peaked in about 10 minutes...a pain I've never experienced before. I started to feel strange physically and finally I felt like I was having a heart attack or something, so had to call the ambulance. Went to the ambulance and couldn't stop shivering. My body was cold all over and it was hard to stay still. At the hospital, they did some simple tests and asked me questions. Nothing seemed to be wrong and they told me to come back if the headaches came back within the next three days and to take it easy. I wanted them to do a CT scan at least but they said no need.
I was still feeling weak and dizzy after being released so stayed in the waiting room for about 40 minutes then took a cab back home. The next day, I felt so weak I hardly could get anything done, but the doc told me to take it easy so that's what I did. The next morning though, I woke up feeling bad again and as soon as I got up, I started having a panic attack again even after I took my medication. I almost went to the hospital again, but decided to try and relax. It was hard, but it started to get better and I survived. However I was weak all over for the entire day again.
The weekend was spent just staying at home most of the time trying to get my energy back. Monday, my friend from Hawaii arrived. Tuesday, we went into town for lunch and I started to feel weak again around 5pm. Went home and went to bed at 8pm and stayed in bed until 10am.
Finally Wednesday today and I'm feeling a lot better. Went to get a haircut and had some lunch with my friend. Tomorrow I leave to Bangkok with my friend.
I hope everything is ok and nothing happens while I'm on holiday.
I was still feeling weak and dizzy after being released so stayed in the waiting room for about 40 minutes then took a cab back home. The next day, I felt so weak I hardly could get anything done, but the doc told me to take it easy so that's what I did. The next morning though, I woke up feeling bad again and as soon as I got up, I started having a panic attack again even after I took my medication. I almost went to the hospital again, but decided to try and relax. It was hard, but it started to get better and I survived. However I was weak all over for the entire day again.
The weekend was spent just staying at home most of the time trying to get my energy back. Monday, my friend from Hawaii arrived. Tuesday, we went into town for lunch and I started to feel weak again around 5pm. Went home and went to bed at 8pm and stayed in bed until 10am.
Finally Wednesday today and I'm feeling a lot better. Went to get a haircut and had some lunch with my friend. Tomorrow I leave to Bangkok with my friend.
I hope everything is ok and nothing happens while I'm on holiday.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Last night's dream
I woke up this morning really bothered and although did not manage to get my 8 hours of sleep, forced myself to get up. I had this really weird dream and I can still remember it even though it's been more than 2 hours since I awoke.
Dream sequence one:
I board a bus leaving for the mountains in Hakone. For some reason, I have no pants on and just wearing a shirt. I'm embarrassed so I rush to get a seat, but everyone's looking at me and giving me scary stares. I try to cover myself up by stretching my shirt over my private areas. Finally we get to our final stop and everyone gets off the bus. The driver tells me to hurry up and I need to get out of the bus. I tell him to give me a few minutes to put on something.
Dream sequence two:
I arrive at the Hilton Las Vegas Hotel. I've never been there in real life and looking forward to my room. The hotel looks very old and after finding the elevators, for some reason, they dont work too well. It keeps skipping my floor. Finally it stops after a few up and downs. My room is absolutely rubbish. The lights dont work, there are leftovers from the previous customer, and now the ceiling is leaking. I call the front desk to ask for my room to be changed. She comes up and says ok. I ask her though, if this is normal and she says it is due to the hotel being really old. I have booked 2 nights but I immediately want to get out of this hotel. I start packing my suitcase, but for some reason, everything won't fit.
After these two dreams, I wake up bothered and can't get myself to sleep anymore.
Dream sequence one:
I board a bus leaving for the mountains in Hakone. For some reason, I have no pants on and just wearing a shirt. I'm embarrassed so I rush to get a seat, but everyone's looking at me and giving me scary stares. I try to cover myself up by stretching my shirt over my private areas. Finally we get to our final stop and everyone gets off the bus. The driver tells me to hurry up and I need to get out of the bus. I tell him to give me a few minutes to put on something.
Dream sequence two:
I arrive at the Hilton Las Vegas Hotel. I've never been there in real life and looking forward to my room. The hotel looks very old and after finding the elevators, for some reason, they dont work too well. It keeps skipping my floor. Finally it stops after a few up and downs. My room is absolutely rubbish. The lights dont work, there are leftovers from the previous customer, and now the ceiling is leaking. I call the front desk to ask for my room to be changed. She comes up and says ok. I ask her though, if this is normal and she says it is due to the hotel being really old. I have booked 2 nights but I immediately want to get out of this hotel. I start packing my suitcase, but for some reason, everything won't fit.
After these two dreams, I wake up bothered and can't get myself to sleep anymore.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Pretty basic week
We are halfway through the week and I'm still trying to create a new rythm to my life. I am forcing myself to get into bed by a certain time so that I can wake up early in the morning. I've been sleeping at 3am and waking up at 11am these days. However last night I forced myself into bed at 10, but couldn't really get to sleep until 12. I woke up at 8 this morning and hopefully tonight will be easier.
It's my boyfriend's birthday this weekend and we are heading down to Osaka. The flight takes off extremely early in the morning so we have to leave the house at 5:30am! So on Friday night, I'm hoping to be in bed by 8pm so I can feel refreshed for my flight.
Nothing special in my life, except that it's been a pretty boring week. As usual, I'm starting to feel myself getting cornered into a rut and have to try and get myself out again. Bell's Palsy has kept me cooped up inside most of the time and I still don't really enjoy meeting people. On some days, everything's fine, but sometimes for an entire week, half of my face is in pain and I start to get twitches beneath my left eye. It's really inconvenient and gets me depressed.
I have so many things I must do this week and I'm not even half done. I really need to sit down and make that list I've been meaning to tackle. Next week, I'll meet a friend for some wine and a heart-to-heart with him, which should be relaxing. I was planning on having a dinner party at my house this month, but there's just not enough time for it all. Time management is the keyword here and I am bad at it!
I'll be going to Bangkok again next month and I'm actually looking forward to it. I just want to have a good time and relax!!!
It's my boyfriend's birthday this weekend and we are heading down to Osaka. The flight takes off extremely early in the morning so we have to leave the house at 5:30am! So on Friday night, I'm hoping to be in bed by 8pm so I can feel refreshed for my flight.
Nothing special in my life, except that it's been a pretty boring week. As usual, I'm starting to feel myself getting cornered into a rut and have to try and get myself out again. Bell's Palsy has kept me cooped up inside most of the time and I still don't really enjoy meeting people. On some days, everything's fine, but sometimes for an entire week, half of my face is in pain and I start to get twitches beneath my left eye. It's really inconvenient and gets me depressed.
I have so many things I must do this week and I'm not even half done. I really need to sit down and make that list I've been meaning to tackle. Next week, I'll meet a friend for some wine and a heart-to-heart with him, which should be relaxing. I was planning on having a dinner party at my house this month, but there's just not enough time for it all. Time management is the keyword here and I am bad at it!
I'll be going to Bangkok again next month and I'm actually looking forward to it. I just want to have a good time and relax!!!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
My mother's trip
Feels like a long time, yet feels like it was just yesterday. She's leaving back to Hawaii tonight and I feel kind of sad. She got me up early every morning and fed me so much food I gained close to 3 kilos since she got here. I've been eating less since yesterday so got rid of half a kilo. Now I have to burn the rest off when she leaves starting tomorrow.
Yesterday her brother and sister-in-law came over for a visit. It was fun and we all had a nice Italian lunch. Right after, her friend came for a chat and then it was off to dinner with my mom and my boyfriend. What I noticed about my mother was that whenever we go out and eat, she seems very quiet and bored. I don't think she enjoys eating out as much as she used to. She prefers staying at home these days. The only time she enjoys eating at restaurants are at buffets and now I know why. She can't stand sitting still for a long time and at buffets, she can go back and forth between sittings to get her food. Now I understand why she loves buffets so much. Even at home, she never stays still....always doing something. Wiping the table, flicking some dust off the shelves, cooking something, doing laundry, watering the plants. Always moving. I told her one day that she should just relax and she said she gets tired sitting and sleeping.
Today my boyfriend comes home early from work to have lunch with us and then he'll take us to the airport. I think I need to treat him to a nice dinner this weekend for being so nice to my mom.
Yeah, my mom was still demanding and stubborn. She sometimes gets me so stressed out it's not funny. However when she's away, I always wonder how she's doing....if she's eating well...if she's talking to someone...if she's going out for her daily walks, and I start to miss her.
Well I'll miss her again and hopefully she'll be back sometime this year. I wish her a safe and pleasant trip back and I hope she had a good time while she was here in Japan.
Yesterday her brother and sister-in-law came over for a visit. It was fun and we all had a nice Italian lunch. Right after, her friend came for a chat and then it was off to dinner with my mom and my boyfriend. What I noticed about my mother was that whenever we go out and eat, she seems very quiet and bored. I don't think she enjoys eating out as much as she used to. She prefers staying at home these days. The only time she enjoys eating at restaurants are at buffets and now I know why. She can't stand sitting still for a long time and at buffets, she can go back and forth between sittings to get her food. Now I understand why she loves buffets so much. Even at home, she never stays still....always doing something. Wiping the table, flicking some dust off the shelves, cooking something, doing laundry, watering the plants. Always moving. I told her one day that she should just relax and she said she gets tired sitting and sleeping.
Today my boyfriend comes home early from work to have lunch with us and then he'll take us to the airport. I think I need to treat him to a nice dinner this weekend for being so nice to my mom.
Yeah, my mom was still demanding and stubborn. She sometimes gets me so stressed out it's not funny. However when she's away, I always wonder how she's doing....if she's eating well...if she's talking to someone...if she's going out for her daily walks, and I start to miss her.
Well I'll miss her again and hopefully she'll be back sometime this year. I wish her a safe and pleasant trip back and I hope she had a good time while she was here in Japan.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
April update
So my mother finally arrived on the 4th of this month. I was so happy to see that she looked healthy. We had a rough start as she came directly to my apartment as I left to meet her at Shinjuku station. Naturally she blamed me for the mistake and you never get into an argument with my mother. I told her I must have premature brain damage and that was that. I gave her a cup of tea to relax her and then she was better.
The first week was spent staying mostly at home. That same weekend we went to see the cherry blossoms with my friends. It was so nice seeing my friends again and also great to see my mother enjoying herself so much. I notice that most of my friends now have boyfriends and everybody is pairing up as a couple. It's nice and I think because of the fact that we are all getting older that everyone's starting to settle down.
I also took my mother to Bangkok and we just came back last night. It was nice and she seemed to enjoy it. I have to say that it was one of the most tiring trip in my life. She wakes up at 5:30 am every morning and I end up waking up at 6 or 7am. She's hungry by then so I force myself to get up and take her to breakfast. Then after breakfast, we have about 30 minutes before she gets restless and so, we have to leave to do something. Usually, when I'm alone, I dont leave until noon time as I like to rest up in my room just chilling out.
Anyway, we got home yesterday and I had a good 8 hours of sleep. I think I got about 5 hours of sleep every day during my trip.
Met some fun people during this trip at the SK2 party, though I couldn't stay too long because I was half asleep. I also didn't get to eat much mango as my mother said the pimple on my face was due to the mangos. Gosh, the trip was pretty stressful I guess. But, it was a trip for my mother and so, I just had to grin and bear it.
Today we are back and she's cleaning house. I'm hoping she lets me work all day. I really need to get some work done.
I love having her around as I know she's doing well and looks healthy. My mother has gained 7 pounds since she arrived and that's a good thing. I think she lost around 20 pounds since I last saw her and my sister ordered me to feed her.
I need to have really good sex real soon.
The first week was spent staying mostly at home. That same weekend we went to see the cherry blossoms with my friends. It was so nice seeing my friends again and also great to see my mother enjoying herself so much. I notice that most of my friends now have boyfriends and everybody is pairing up as a couple. It's nice and I think because of the fact that we are all getting older that everyone's starting to settle down.
I also took my mother to Bangkok and we just came back last night. It was nice and she seemed to enjoy it. I have to say that it was one of the most tiring trip in my life. She wakes up at 5:30 am every morning and I end up waking up at 6 or 7am. She's hungry by then so I force myself to get up and take her to breakfast. Then after breakfast, we have about 30 minutes before she gets restless and so, we have to leave to do something. Usually, when I'm alone, I dont leave until noon time as I like to rest up in my room just chilling out.
Anyway, we got home yesterday and I had a good 8 hours of sleep. I think I got about 5 hours of sleep every day during my trip.
Met some fun people during this trip at the SK2 party, though I couldn't stay too long because I was half asleep. I also didn't get to eat much mango as my mother said the pimple on my face was due to the mangos. Gosh, the trip was pretty stressful I guess. But, it was a trip for my mother and so, I just had to grin and bear it.
Today we are back and she's cleaning house. I'm hoping she lets me work all day. I really need to get some work done.
I love having her around as I know she's doing well and looks healthy. My mother has gained 7 pounds since she arrived and that's a good thing. I think she lost around 20 pounds since I last saw her and my sister ordered me to feed her.
I need to have really good sex real soon.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
A typical Wednesday
It's a cloudy day today. All grey and from the looks of it, cold. However the weather forecast says not rain and when I went out to buy my friend some cheesecake, it was quite warm. In fact, the weather is perfect.
I had a really busy day yesterday. Today I have another one of those busy days. I woke up and immediately tackled some translation work. Made something to eat, went to buy some cheesecake and now waiting for a client to come over in about 5 minutes. After work today, I have plans to meet up with a friend for dinner and then to see a movie. It gets done at 11pm so I should be home late.
Tomorrow is a public holiday so my boyfriend will be home. I wonder if he has anything planned? Not likely, but let's see if I can convince him to take me someplace.
Oh, I made some homemade pickles and they turned out really good! I think I'll try and make something else I've never tried.
This week, I canceled all plans to meet friends, other than tonight. I am way too busy to fit them all in! I am lucky though, all my friends understand how busy I am and they're used to it. However I will not cancel next week's plans.
I had a really busy day yesterday. Today I have another one of those busy days. I woke up and immediately tackled some translation work. Made something to eat, went to buy some cheesecake and now waiting for a client to come over in about 5 minutes. After work today, I have plans to meet up with a friend for dinner and then to see a movie. It gets done at 11pm so I should be home late.
Tomorrow is a public holiday so my boyfriend will be home. I wonder if he has anything planned? Not likely, but let's see if I can convince him to take me someplace.
Oh, I made some homemade pickles and they turned out really good! I think I'll try and make something else I've never tried.
This week, I canceled all plans to meet friends, other than tonight. I am way too busy to fit them all in! I am lucky though, all my friends understand how busy I am and they're used to it. However I will not cancel next week's plans.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Life goes on
Yes life does go on even when you think you won't be able to survive another single day.
I realize this time and time again. After five days after my breakup with my affair, I feel so much better and once again, reminded of the fact that all things happen for a reason.
When I look back and try analyzing my relationship with the guy I had an affair with, I realized why I felt so sad. I really don't like the word "sad" because it doesn't even begin to describe what I went through. Anyway, this is one of the big reasons why I felt so depressed.
One of my friends last night told me that maybe, one of the reasons why I was so depressed was the fact that maybe, it was because I was tired of trying over and over again. This was partly true I guess. It all has to do with love, or my personal perception of it.
When I first met the guy, I felt alone and unhappy with my current boyfriend for the longest time. In fact, my friends and I had to go drinking once a week to get really wasted. I also went to the clubs on a regular basis, while doing tequila shots with my buddies. I also had a lot of random sex with strangers on a regular basis. I realized I must be unhappy. But at that time, I just told myself that this was the kind of relationship I was in and that, most relationships are like this and that I shouldn't expect so much. I thought that this was a mature relationship and that all relationships are like mine, one with no passion and sparks. So everytime I met someone who would tell me that they are looking for that one perfect person that fills their lives with love and happiness, I thought in my head, "that's a load of bull"! I learned to love my boyfriend the best way I can and I threw all my expectations out the window.
Then when the other guy came into my life, he brought out feelings that I forgot I still had. I started to get scared because these were the feelings that I was scared of. He started to peel off my protective skin that wraps around my heart layer by layer, and I guess I let him. I was happy to know that I could still feel that way and once again, I believed all the promises that came pouring out of his heart.
Once the relationship started deteriorating and ended up with the breakup recently, I realized that maybe, this kind of person who makes me feel this way, is not a good kind of love. I have felt this way with a person maybe 3 times in my lifetime. The results were always fatal and I always felt that things couldn't get any worse. The feeling is like this. I feel loved and protected. I feel as if I'm treasured and that nothing can make me feel sad anymore. This is how I felt with him and those 3 guys in my past. So it's quite clear why I felt so sad after the breakup. Suddenly, I didn't feel so safe and protected, treasured and loved.
Sure, my boyfriend loves me in his own special way. But he's a realist and sometimes too real. He always seems to come first in his life. He never surprises me with small gifts. He never looked into my eyes to tell me that he loved me. He wanted to keep our lives separate and individual. It was all fine really, until the other guy showed up. I guess he gave me what I needed that my boyfriend couldn't give me. It was like he completed me.
The fact that I could feel that special kind of love that I thought I'd lost. The realization that I wanted to feel like that and I wanted someone to take care of me in that way. The realization that I felt sad and lonely with my current boyfriend. The fact that I had to tell him about this affair so we could somehow improve the situation.
I did tell my boyfriend about it and why I got involved in the first place. My boyfriend, with no change in his expression, said that he was sorry and that it was partly his fault. No drama, no emotions, nothing. My friend once told me that he probably feels many things inside. He just isn't the type to show it. I guess that may be true.
I just hope that things will keep improving with my boyfriend. I'm sure this was a good thing that happened. Maybe we both needed this event to take place, in order to move our relationship forward and into a better place. My protective shell is back in place now, I can feel it back where it belongs. Safe inside where no one can get to it. This is where is should stay for now.
Yes life goes on. I'm back to Second Life as well. My friends are still there and my best friend Jeckie came back on after some absence so I'm really happy about that. I guess our friendship developed because we both gave love to one another without expecting anything in return. We were both there for each other when we needed them to be. She did alot for me while not expecting anything in return. I guess that's what real friends do. And she has won my loyalty that way. I'm thankful to have her in my life.
Today I will go shopping with my boyfriend. I bought a nice pair of shoes and a shirt yesterday. Today we will go to a wine shop to buy a few bottles of good wine. My friends are coming over sometime this week.
How do I feel today? I guess I feel thankful for what I have.
Oh, I decided not to buy anymore potato chips for a while. I think I had enough chips to last me 5 years.
I realize this time and time again. After five days after my breakup with my affair, I feel so much better and once again, reminded of the fact that all things happen for a reason.
When I look back and try analyzing my relationship with the guy I had an affair with, I realized why I felt so sad. I really don't like the word "sad" because it doesn't even begin to describe what I went through. Anyway, this is one of the big reasons why I felt so depressed.
One of my friends last night told me that maybe, one of the reasons why I was so depressed was the fact that maybe, it was because I was tired of trying over and over again. This was partly true I guess. It all has to do with love, or my personal perception of it.
When I first met the guy, I felt alone and unhappy with my current boyfriend for the longest time. In fact, my friends and I had to go drinking once a week to get really wasted. I also went to the clubs on a regular basis, while doing tequila shots with my buddies. I also had a lot of random sex with strangers on a regular basis. I realized I must be unhappy. But at that time, I just told myself that this was the kind of relationship I was in and that, most relationships are like this and that I shouldn't expect so much. I thought that this was a mature relationship and that all relationships are like mine, one with no passion and sparks. So everytime I met someone who would tell me that they are looking for that one perfect person that fills their lives with love and happiness, I thought in my head, "that's a load of bull"! I learned to love my boyfriend the best way I can and I threw all my expectations out the window.
Then when the other guy came into my life, he brought out feelings that I forgot I still had. I started to get scared because these were the feelings that I was scared of. He started to peel off my protective skin that wraps around my heart layer by layer, and I guess I let him. I was happy to know that I could still feel that way and once again, I believed all the promises that came pouring out of his heart.
Once the relationship started deteriorating and ended up with the breakup recently, I realized that maybe, this kind of person who makes me feel this way, is not a good kind of love. I have felt this way with a person maybe 3 times in my lifetime. The results were always fatal and I always felt that things couldn't get any worse. The feeling is like this. I feel loved and protected. I feel as if I'm treasured and that nothing can make me feel sad anymore. This is how I felt with him and those 3 guys in my past. So it's quite clear why I felt so sad after the breakup. Suddenly, I didn't feel so safe and protected, treasured and loved.
Sure, my boyfriend loves me in his own special way. But he's a realist and sometimes too real. He always seems to come first in his life. He never surprises me with small gifts. He never looked into my eyes to tell me that he loved me. He wanted to keep our lives separate and individual. It was all fine really, until the other guy showed up. I guess he gave me what I needed that my boyfriend couldn't give me. It was like he completed me.
The fact that I could feel that special kind of love that I thought I'd lost. The realization that I wanted to feel like that and I wanted someone to take care of me in that way. The realization that I felt sad and lonely with my current boyfriend. The fact that I had to tell him about this affair so we could somehow improve the situation.
I did tell my boyfriend about it and why I got involved in the first place. My boyfriend, with no change in his expression, said that he was sorry and that it was partly his fault. No drama, no emotions, nothing. My friend once told me that he probably feels many things inside. He just isn't the type to show it. I guess that may be true.
I just hope that things will keep improving with my boyfriend. I'm sure this was a good thing that happened. Maybe we both needed this event to take place, in order to move our relationship forward and into a better place. My protective shell is back in place now, I can feel it back where it belongs. Safe inside where no one can get to it. This is where is should stay for now.
Yes life goes on. I'm back to Second Life as well. My friends are still there and my best friend Jeckie came back on after some absence so I'm really happy about that. I guess our friendship developed because we both gave love to one another without expecting anything in return. We were both there for each other when we needed them to be. She did alot for me while not expecting anything in return. I guess that's what real friends do. And she has won my loyalty that way. I'm thankful to have her in my life.
Today I will go shopping with my boyfriend. I bought a nice pair of shoes and a shirt yesterday. Today we will go to a wine shop to buy a few bottles of good wine. My friends are coming over sometime this week.
How do I feel today? I guess I feel thankful for what I have.
Oh, I decided not to buy anymore potato chips for a while. I think I had enough chips to last me 5 years.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Day or Recovery
I woke up this morning hoping to feel better. I actually did feel better after a night of rest. My head was clearer and I realized what I needed to do. Anyway, this morning I woke up and made myself a cup of decaf latte with a sprinkle of cinnamon to lift my spirits. Then after quickly checking emails, I started on project clean up. Yes, I'm going to clean my house and get rid of old things that I never use and all the dust that had accumulated over the past year. I started out with the dining area as there is a lot of stuff I don't use in the cabinets there. Once that was done, I continued with the living room. By this time, it was around 1:30pm so I started to get hungry. I went out to get something to eat, at which time the ex-boyfriend who I broke it off with the other day, called my cell. I was in line at the register at the grocery store and couldn't really talk so I told him to call me back. He called back 3 minutes later and I had a little chat with him for about 5 minutes. It felt really strange to be talking to him like nothing happened, so I apologized to him for being so dramatic the other day and that something was really wrong with me. I told him that I feel much better today and thank you for the call. He said that we should have dinner sometime next week and I said that sounded great. I told him that I'm cleaning my house to get rid of all the mess I've accumulated over the year and besides, my mother is coming soon so I need to get it cleaned anyway. I told him to have a great day and don't forget to eat. I did my best to sound as cheerful as possible and made like it was the best day of my life!
After I hung up, I was quite amazed to find that I was indeed happier today. I went home and had my late lunch while watching an episode of desperate housewives. Immediately afterwards, I started to do some laundry and went to tackle the bathroom and hallway closets. While rummaging through the hallway closet, I stumbled upon some old pictures of my ex ex and my ex ex ex as well as my ex ex ex ex! hehehe! Yes I have a lot of exes! I started to laugh because they were all so funny and I completely forgot they were there. I think my mother tried to hide it from my current boyfriend. I don't know why she finds it necessary to do that. I mean my boyfriend knows I'm not a virgin.
After the closet, I scrubbed the bathroom tiles, the sinks, and the toilet. I then continued to the kitchen. That was the worst, but hey, someone has to do it right? I thought that was enough cleaning for the day and you know what? I felt wonderful! I felt that I deserved to relax so went to the DVD rental shop to rent a couple of DVDs. I did an hour of yoga but had to end it short because of heart palpitations. What was causing it today, I have no idea! I watched THE INVASION with Nicole Kidman while eating a cabbage salad and some potato chips. Yeah I know it's a weird combo but I was too lazy to leave the apartment.
After that, my boyfriend came home complaining he had a headache so I had to make him some hot tea and gave him a back massage. It's 10.27 pm now and I'm ready to head to bed. Nothing else for me to do tonight and besides, I am tired today. Tomorrow I need to continue cleaning my apartment. I might as well do everything I can this week as I have a busy week next week. In my desperation for company, last night I emailed a couple of my friends to make plans for next week. At the same time, a friend from Bangkok will be coming and wants to meet for coffee! Okay, is that too much? Sounds like a lot to me so we'll see how things go. I might have to cancel some things. I really do need to get back to my designing.
Anyway, I had a really good day and it was better than I expected it would be. I'm still a bit sad, but compared to yesterday, I'm a totally different person! I'm hoping that tomorrow will be much better than today and I'm pretty confident it will be.
After I hung up, I was quite amazed to find that I was indeed happier today. I went home and had my late lunch while watching an episode of desperate housewives. Immediately afterwards, I started to do some laundry and went to tackle the bathroom and hallway closets. While rummaging through the hallway closet, I stumbled upon some old pictures of my ex ex and my ex ex ex as well as my ex ex ex ex! hehehe! Yes I have a lot of exes! I started to laugh because they were all so funny and I completely forgot they were there. I think my mother tried to hide it from my current boyfriend. I don't know why she finds it necessary to do that. I mean my boyfriend knows I'm not a virgin.
After the closet, I scrubbed the bathroom tiles, the sinks, and the toilet. I then continued to the kitchen. That was the worst, but hey, someone has to do it right? I thought that was enough cleaning for the day and you know what? I felt wonderful! I felt that I deserved to relax so went to the DVD rental shop to rent a couple of DVDs. I did an hour of yoga but had to end it short because of heart palpitations. What was causing it today, I have no idea! I watched THE INVASION with Nicole Kidman while eating a cabbage salad and some potato chips. Yeah I know it's a weird combo but I was too lazy to leave the apartment.
After that, my boyfriend came home complaining he had a headache so I had to make him some hot tea and gave him a back massage. It's 10.27 pm now and I'm ready to head to bed. Nothing else for me to do tonight and besides, I am tired today. Tomorrow I need to continue cleaning my apartment. I might as well do everything I can this week as I have a busy week next week. In my desperation for company, last night I emailed a couple of my friends to make plans for next week. At the same time, a friend from Bangkok will be coming and wants to meet for coffee! Okay, is that too much? Sounds like a lot to me so we'll see how things go. I might have to cancel some things. I really do need to get back to my designing.
Anyway, I had a really good day and it was better than I expected it would be. I'm still a bit sad, but compared to yesterday, I'm a totally different person! I'm hoping that tomorrow will be much better than today and I'm pretty confident it will be.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Third post of the day
It's almost 11pm over here where I live. I literally couldn't do anything today except eat and watch Desperate Housewives all day. I'm depressed and it all feels like a dream. It's like you're in this half-awake state all day because everything's all blurry and all I wanted to happen was for time to go by faster. The minutes were ticking by so slowly and it's been a long and lousy day for me. I don't feel like logging into Second Life. I don't feel like working. I don't feel like doing anything except taking a sleeping pill and zonking out. The problem is I don't have any in my apartment. I went to buy a bottle of wine and had a couple of sips but decided it was better not to drown my sorrows with alcohol. It was tempting but I'm not going down that road.
I just finished reading through my blog from the past year to see if I could find some answers to my present situation. I think the problem was that I was living a fantasy life for an entire year. Yes, I was! So many things spun out of control. I think I ran myself into a big and busy rut! I avoided the consequences of my actions for the longest time and it has finally resulted in me hitting a brick wall.
I've been in denial for more than a year now. I had been filled with fear and guilt with a dash of shame. Juggling so many things in my life and trying to be so many things to different people finally caught up with me. I started to forget who I am. So I ran away to a world called Second Life, where I didn't have all those problems. I was free and happy there. Now, even that's not enough to save me.
Last night, I finally had to face up to one of the biggest problems in my life. For an entire year, I had another boyfriend. This guy knew I had a boyfriend and it started out as a way to spice up my life. I was bored and unhappy at that time and it just happened. Things got out of hand and I didn't know what to do about it. Come to think of it, I still don't know how it got so out of control. I think somewhere along the way, I started to fall for this guy. I finally ended it last night and although I feel really sad about it, I know it was the right thing to do. But the thing is, the pain I feel is just as painful as my past breakups. I mean how can this be? I'm with my boyfriend of 7 years. I'm pretty sure I love this guy. But right now, I'm just devestated about breaking up with this other one that lasted a year. Fuck, I am so fucked up! Yeah I know I should be posting this in my Secret Garden section but I think I need to confess here as it's pretty obvious I've been in denial for such a long time about this. I am so fucked up and I need to fix my life one step at a time.
I remember a friend of mine told me that I was fucked up about 20 years ago. Well, he was right about that. I know that a year from now, I will look back at all of this and say, "wow I was really fucked up then". Well, I kind of wish it was next year already!
Well, I made my mess and I have to clean it up. I think I will start to clean my apartment tomorrow. I will do some yoga and maybe I should take up jogging or something. I need to clear my mind and remove clutter from my life. I feel the need to simplify things just like a friend in Second Life told me to. I want to wake up tomorrow feeling better than I feel today. Tomorrow my friend will come over for drinks. I already made plans to meet some others next week. I will also try to work on my relationship with my boyfriend of 7 years. Yes, I did tell him about the affair, not including all the tiny details. I did tell him that I was very unhappy at the time. He also told me that he understood and that he is partly to blame for all of this and he actually said thanks for choosing him in the end.
He is a really good guy, my boyfriend. Now I just need to talk things out with him so this doesn't happen ever again. My mother will be here in a few weeks. I want to be happy when she's here. She doesn't need to see all the drama in my life.
I just finished reading through my blog from the past year to see if I could find some answers to my present situation. I think the problem was that I was living a fantasy life for an entire year. Yes, I was! So many things spun out of control. I think I ran myself into a big and busy rut! I avoided the consequences of my actions for the longest time and it has finally resulted in me hitting a brick wall.
I've been in denial for more than a year now. I had been filled with fear and guilt with a dash of shame. Juggling so many things in my life and trying to be so many things to different people finally caught up with me. I started to forget who I am. So I ran away to a world called Second Life, where I didn't have all those problems. I was free and happy there. Now, even that's not enough to save me.
Last night, I finally had to face up to one of the biggest problems in my life. For an entire year, I had another boyfriend. This guy knew I had a boyfriend and it started out as a way to spice up my life. I was bored and unhappy at that time and it just happened. Things got out of hand and I didn't know what to do about it. Come to think of it, I still don't know how it got so out of control. I think somewhere along the way, I started to fall for this guy. I finally ended it last night and although I feel really sad about it, I know it was the right thing to do. But the thing is, the pain I feel is just as painful as my past breakups. I mean how can this be? I'm with my boyfriend of 7 years. I'm pretty sure I love this guy. But right now, I'm just devestated about breaking up with this other one that lasted a year. Fuck, I am so fucked up! Yeah I know I should be posting this in my Secret Garden section but I think I need to confess here as it's pretty obvious I've been in denial for such a long time about this. I am so fucked up and I need to fix my life one step at a time.
I remember a friend of mine told me that I was fucked up about 20 years ago. Well, he was right about that. I know that a year from now, I will look back at all of this and say, "wow I was really fucked up then". Well, I kind of wish it was next year already!
Well, I made my mess and I have to clean it up. I think I will start to clean my apartment tomorrow. I will do some yoga and maybe I should take up jogging or something. I need to clear my mind and remove clutter from my life. I feel the need to simplify things just like a friend in Second Life told me to. I want to wake up tomorrow feeling better than I feel today. Tomorrow my friend will come over for drinks. I already made plans to meet some others next week. I will also try to work on my relationship with my boyfriend of 7 years. Yes, I did tell him about the affair, not including all the tiny details. I did tell him that I was very unhappy at the time. He also told me that he understood and that he is partly to blame for all of this and he actually said thanks for choosing him in the end.
He is a really good guy, my boyfriend. Now I just need to talk things out with him so this doesn't happen ever again. My mother will be here in a few weeks. I want to be happy when she's here. She doesn't need to see all the drama in my life.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Okay I've been busy and lazy
Wow, it's been over a month since my last post. Before my blog disappears into oblivion, I've decided to post today. Besides, I'm just recovering from a cold and still taking it easy.
First things first. It's getting warmer here in Japan and I can get rid of my electric blanket! Yay! Bad news is that I have to put away all my winter clothes and start getting my spring/summer clothes out from the 2nd floor closet. Yes, my walk-in closet is on the 2nd floor of my apartment! It's more like at attic really, but we just don't have enough space on the main floor for all our stuff and we really do need all the space we have. Space is expensive in Tokyo and I can't move. I like the city too much! So byebye winter!
My mother is coming to visit in April. I haven't seen her in 3 years and really looking forward to seeing her. I'm also saving up so I can take her to Thailand next month. I already bought the plane tickets and reserved the rooms for 7 nights. I reserved really nice rooms for the trip and spent a large chunk of my savings, but hey, she's my mother and she deserves it. I hope she enjoys the trip. It's a surprise!
My friend Michael from Hawaii has plans to visit in June and we have tickets for Singapore during that time. However one problem exists. The hotel rates are outrageous! I have searched and searched the internet for deals but cannot find a decent hotel at a price we can afford! Sure we can pay $500US per night for 9 nights but do we really want to do that? Let me tell you that better deals can be found almost anywhere in my opinion! Even Tokyo is not that expensive! What's up with the prices in Singapore these days? Another gripe I have. The prices for drinks in Singapore is rediculous! I think we can get the same bottle of wine here in Japan for a third of the price in Singapore! Is it that nobody drinks in Singapore anymore or just that prices are too high? I really don't know but a cocktail at a restaurant in Singapore can cost around $10US. In Tokyo, this is quite normal at a very upscale restaurant! But here in Tokyo, a good bottle of wine only costs around $10US! At restaurants, table wine at a nice trattoria is around $5US! Maybe that's why everyone drinks here in Japan. hahaha
Anyway, moving on.....
My relationship with my boyfriend couldn't be better. It's pretty unbelievable to me but true. Our sex life is great and he pleases me in bed like no other! We both love wine, good food, yoga and making money. No, we don't like the exact same things. However our preferences have become similiar throughout the years. It's a nice and comfortable feeling.
My second life in SECOND LIFE is as always, busy! I have seriously started designing clothes in SL and it's harder than I thought and sometimes not as much fun. However I am enjoying this new project and for me, a new business venture. It's another incentive for me to spend so much time in the game. It's very exciting to me to be able to do this. Because it's a business, I have realized that I have a lot to think about in regards to this venture. Not only do I need to design clothes I like, but must be able to sell these items through research and smart marketing. Yes it all sounds like hard work, but believe me it's much easier than doing business in SL and a smaller risk that's for sure! Anyway, let's see how far I can get with this in this new world called Second Life!
My Bell's Palsy is mostly recovered but sometimes I have to wonder. Just last week, I felt bad the entire week mostly due to my affected side tightening up all the way from my scalp to my neck. It's really irritating and I still get upset when I don't feel all that great. Just to make things worse, I came down with a cold and slight fever and that was enough to keep me off my feet for a few days.
So lots of things are happening in my life at the moment. Yoga is the one thing that keeps me sane through this time of restlessness.
First things first. It's getting warmer here in Japan and I can get rid of my electric blanket! Yay! Bad news is that I have to put away all my winter clothes and start getting my spring/summer clothes out from the 2nd floor closet. Yes, my walk-in closet is on the 2nd floor of my apartment! It's more like at attic really, but we just don't have enough space on the main floor for all our stuff and we really do need all the space we have. Space is expensive in Tokyo and I can't move. I like the city too much! So byebye winter!
My mother is coming to visit in April. I haven't seen her in 3 years and really looking forward to seeing her. I'm also saving up so I can take her to Thailand next month. I already bought the plane tickets and reserved the rooms for 7 nights. I reserved really nice rooms for the trip and spent a large chunk of my savings, but hey, she's my mother and she deserves it. I hope she enjoys the trip. It's a surprise!
My friend Michael from Hawaii has plans to visit in June and we have tickets for Singapore during that time. However one problem exists. The hotel rates are outrageous! I have searched and searched the internet for deals but cannot find a decent hotel at a price we can afford! Sure we can pay $500US per night for 9 nights but do we really want to do that? Let me tell you that better deals can be found almost anywhere in my opinion! Even Tokyo is not that expensive! What's up with the prices in Singapore these days? Another gripe I have. The prices for drinks in Singapore is rediculous! I think we can get the same bottle of wine here in Japan for a third of the price in Singapore! Is it that nobody drinks in Singapore anymore or just that prices are too high? I really don't know but a cocktail at a restaurant in Singapore can cost around $10US. In Tokyo, this is quite normal at a very upscale restaurant! But here in Tokyo, a good bottle of wine only costs around $10US! At restaurants, table wine at a nice trattoria is around $5US! Maybe that's why everyone drinks here in Japan. hahaha
Anyway, moving on.....
My relationship with my boyfriend couldn't be better. It's pretty unbelievable to me but true. Our sex life is great and he pleases me in bed like no other! We both love wine, good food, yoga and making money. No, we don't like the exact same things. However our preferences have become similiar throughout the years. It's a nice and comfortable feeling.
My second life in SECOND LIFE is as always, busy! I have seriously started designing clothes in SL and it's harder than I thought and sometimes not as much fun. However I am enjoying this new project and for me, a new business venture. It's another incentive for me to spend so much time in the game. It's very exciting to me to be able to do this. Because it's a business, I have realized that I have a lot to think about in regards to this venture. Not only do I need to design clothes I like, but must be able to sell these items through research and smart marketing. Yes it all sounds like hard work, but believe me it's much easier than doing business in SL and a smaller risk that's for sure! Anyway, let's see how far I can get with this in this new world called Second Life!
My Bell's Palsy is mostly recovered but sometimes I have to wonder. Just last week, I felt bad the entire week mostly due to my affected side tightening up all the way from my scalp to my neck. It's really irritating and I still get upset when I don't feel all that great. Just to make things worse, I came down with a cold and slight fever and that was enough to keep me off my feet for a few days.
So lots of things are happening in my life at the moment. Yoga is the one thing that keeps me sane through this time of restlessness.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
My birthday dinner
For my birthday my boyfriend took me to Nobu Tokyo. I've always wanted to go there so I was really excited! The restaurant is a near replica of the one in New York. It was a good idea that they moved to this new location as it is much more quiet and secluded and has an air of class. The first dish was scallop sashimi new style.
This is a whitefish Peru style. It was sooooo good!
Crispy Salmon Skin Salad.
Cabbage Steak with Truffles
The best dish of all, Robert Deniro's favorite, the fish dish. Can't remember the name!
The chocolate cake bento box.
A very light and refreshing wine jelly with mascarpone ice cream.
Everything about the restaurant was perfect. Yes it was slightly over-priced and it's not something you can do everyday unless you had money to burn. With a cocktail and two glasses of wine each, the dinner came out to over 30000yen. But it was so worth it! Thank you my sweet boyfriend. I love you so much!
Let it snow
It always seems to snow during the week before or after my birthday. Sure enough is snowed this year as well just like clockwork. This day I had a haircut appoinment. I usually bike it down there, but this day I had to walk.
This place is just one train station away. I used to live here with my ex-boyfriend. This little park is located behind the apartment where I used to live.
Although it's cold, wet and sometimes a pain, I like the snow.A short walk in my neighborhood
The other day I went out for a little walk. This is the side road from where I live. It was a nice day although a bit cold. I usually ride my bicycle here but the sidewalk is small and the road is a two-way street so it's very stressful.
This is where we usually buy flowers, bulbs and dirt for our small garden on our balcony.
There's a dog that actually lives here. It's big and cuddly but smells terrible! The owner really needs to give it a bath.
A small trail with trees behind the flower shop.
A couple blocks down and we find a cabbage patch right in the middle of the city!Monday, January 28, 2008
Pictures from LA, Dec-2007
My trip to LA started on Dec 27 and lasted for one week. We went during the high season so our plane fare was expensive. However because I had a pretty bad year, I decided to go for it. As you can see in my pictures, my face is almost recovered from Bell's Palsy. This first picture was when I felt the worst. The skin from the tip of my skull to the bottom of my neck was being stretched in a most uncomfortable way. So I'm not smiling in a lot of the pictures.
A forced smile in this picture with my sweetheart. I totally love him to pieces!
Disneyland!
After extensive research on the internet, I found out that CRUMBS was one of the most popular cupcake shops in town. We found it and I got four gigantic cupcakes. I ended up only taking a few bites of each and I cound not eat any more. I was a bit disappointed because it was overly sweet and I was expecting a bit more. Maybe if I just got one it wouldn've been better. Just too sweet for me. Anyway, at least I got to try them. Next time I'll try Sprinkles.
In Santa Monica for lunch. I was so tired and by this time, my face was hurting. But the food was good although service was terrible. hehe
Gumbo at Farmer's Market. OMG, I actually waited in line for about 20 minutes while my boyfriend waited on a bench in the cold weather. Good gumbo though. My boyfriend had the salad below and regretted getting that in the cold weather. He felt even colder afterwards.
Most of our first three days, we just couldn't get over our jetlag. So we slept a lot and took frequent naps. My face was going through the worst time during my Bell's Palsy recovery and I could not get myself to smile. I was tired so often and New Year's Eve was spent in our room. However we went to a fabulous restaurant called Katana. We got reservations last minute and that made our trip. My boyfriend and I ended up shopping a lot of the time. A huge sale was going on at Macy's. Almost everything was 50% off! With our suitcases full and just barely making the weight limit for our return flight, we returned safely back home. I love LA and already making plans to return.
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