A Good Morning?

Good morning. Or at least it started that way.

My morning started out as usual. Posted a photo to my Instagram account, checked emails and then had my breakfast of tea and fruit. I got out of bed to give my dog a big hug and kiss.

Then I started to converse with my partner, who I also make videos with. I wanted to confirm the video schedule for next week and not surprisingly, another communication mishap. He pretty much snapped at me and even talking about the video schedule put us both in a foul mood.

So here's the question. Why the hell are we even doing this together? It's been a couple of months and yes it's getting a tad easier but seriously, he's starting to get on my nerves. We really aren't communicating well and it's pretty obvious that we don't work well together.

I gave it an honest chance really and I'm still trying. But there's just so many things that bother me.

Firstly, he's not 100% committed to this and as predicted, it turned out the way I thought it would. Does he work his social media like he's supposed to? Not really. Sure he fiddles with one of them, but he's doing perhaps 20% of what he's supposed to be doing. Lazy? I'm not sure about that. I think he's just so unsure of himself that it's affecting everything around him.

Oh, by the way, as I was writing this post, he walked in. My partner that is. He came in to apologize for snapping at me. That was nice of him and I give him points for that. We had a nice short chat.

I guess for now, we just have to work around these problems we are having. It's OK. I'm patient and I do care about him. I really do. And I know he really wants to do this. He just has to get over his insecurity and fears and I'll continue to support and help him as much as I can.

Sick on Holiday Dammit!

During my holiday in Florida, I came down with the flu. Can you believe that? I couldn't!

For the first couple of days, I decided to man it up by taking some over-the-counter meds and just go on with my day. However I was finally forced to stay in bed for an entire day to try and get better. My fever went up so high that I think I momentarily started to hallucinate.

So being alone in my hotel room, I decided I needed to make a video to alleviate my loneliness and fear.

Fortunately I recovered and am currently back in Tokyo getting back into the groove of things. Now I find myself washing my hands and gargling all day long but I guess that's always a good thing.

Hello Orlando!!!

I'm ecstatic! I'm thrilled! I'm so excited to be in Orlando, Florida and yes, I'm here to enjoy all the theme parks that rule this part of the planet! 

it's been over ten years since I've been back and it's hard to believe that I'm actually here. I've wanted to come back for the longest time but I just haven't had the chance to. Thinking back though I'm not too sure why not. 

I gotta tell you you that the flight was super long. Travel time including transit and delays took approximately 19 hours!!! Crazy right? I was exhausted yes by the time I arrived.

I'm not going to complain though because i am just happy to be here. it's like a dream come true for me. The weather is perfect although it rained quite a bit yesterday but just for a short hour or so. 

Today I'll be heading over to universal's Island of Adventure. can't wait!!!

Happy Birthday my Friends

Yesterday was a long day and I liked it. It was two of my friend's birthday and we decided to have the party at my place, just like last year. The great thing about having parties at my own home is the fact that I'm in control. I can make sure all the food is perfect and guests are comfortable. I also like that I can just crash after everyone leaves. haha. Can't really get more convenient than that.

I had it all planned. The menu was perfect and the cake was going to be amazing. It was going to be in the shape of a butterly with pastel colors, making sure it was over-the-top cute to please two of my best gay friends. They love cute so that's what they'll get!

However things didn't go as planned.

First, my cake didn't turn quite what I had planned. Before cutting the cake into a butterfly shape, I had frosted the entire cake so I was left with a round cake. Damn! What to do what to do? I panicked for a few seconds but immediately gathered my remaining strength.

I made do with what I had and went all out with the frosting and decoration, at least to my ability. I'm no cake master so I can only do so much. Anyway, take a look. This is what it looked like.

It took me an amazing 6 hours to finish making this cake. It's crazy I know, but I don't even want to try and explain how many steps there were in making this monstrosity. Oh, let me tell you it was one huge cake!

Disappointingly, it wasn't the best tasting, so I scolded myself and promised to try harder next time. I still have so much to learn about making cakes it's sometimes sad. Oh well, better luck next time Shinichi. 

My two friends were happy though. They are near and dear to me and although I don't get to see them that often, I always want to be sure that their birthdays are special.

Happy birthday K and R. I love you both.

My new Vlog and Why I Decided to Do Such a Dumb Thing In The First Place

Hi All.

With thanksgiving being just around the corner, memories of the past come to haunt me once again. Not that I think about the past much but ever since I started vlogging, I've been forcing myself to face them once again for the sake of making sure that I've overcome many past issues that used to bother me.

Oh, you didn't know I vlogged did you? Well I did and no, this is a completely separate YouTube Channel from TabiEats, which is focused on food and travel.

Shinichi's World got its inspiration from a website I used to have until 14 years ago, at which time I decided to just do away with. It was basically a website about my life and although it became popular and got featured a few gay magazines here in Japan, I felt uncomfortable sharing so much about myself. Along with all the wonderful messages came the torrent of hate mail, mostly from those who hated gay people.

I wasn't as strong then as I am now and certainly not as comfortable. I still had a lot of issues to deal with and after way too many times where people noticed me on the streets, in supermarkets and at the airport, I felt it was time to close shop.

Times have changed and so have I. At this age, I feel I have nothing to lose and as I'm nearing the age of 50 very soon, I feel it's time to challenge myself.

At first I was content with my TabiEats Channel and although I'm certainly happy with how that one is doing, I felt that I had things to express that just wouldn't fit into the food and travel category. There were many things I wanted to address in my life and hopefully, to inspire people in ways I'm still not sure yet.

Shinichi's World is an experiment that's for sure, and one that forces me to face my own fears. But seriously, I think that's exactly what I need.

So what's the message behind Shinichi's World besides well, me!

I guess I want people to face their own worst fears and face life head on. I want people my age to not have to "act" their age or let too much maturity get in the way of being what they want to be. We should be able to be and do whatever we desire, no matter how old we are.

I also want younger people, especially those who are going through difficult times, to know that I've been there before. Those who are trying to over come anxiety and panic attacks to know that it can get better. They are not alone.

I know I'm starting to babble as I tend to do but you know what I'm trying to say right? I just want to contribute, encourage and hopefully inspire people to just be who they are.

We basically have two choices in life. Love or fear. And I've decided to choose love. I no longer want to let fear get in the way of anything. Besides what do I have to lose? Lose face? Causing shame to myself?

Seriously? Who the hell cares!

Visit Shinichi's World on YouTube

My New YouTube Channel

A couple of months ago I started working on a new endeavor of mine. I started a YouTube Channel! Yes I did. And not only is the channel about my passions travel and food, it's about a lot of other fun stuff like food reviews, comparing Halloween burgers and other food-centric topics that I love to talk about.

Now the little details about the channel because it's kinda important you see. Satoshi, they guy who I live with ( my partner of 14 years ) decided that he'd like to join me on this venture. Now I wasn't sure about how this would work out and quite frankly, I was a bit scared. How is it going you ask?

Well, it's going good for the most part. But if I may be honest here, it's far from easy. In fact, it's quite difficult for the most part. But it's a learning process.

Since it's almost 3 am, I really should sleep but before I go, I just wanted to share with you my YouTube Channel. If you're still reading this blog, which I used to only update when I was either depressed, super happy or bored, check it out.

CLICK HERE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL TABIEATS.

Thanks!

Roller Coaster Emotions

I'm not really sure what's wrong with me but I feel like I'm riding on a roller coaster-an emotional roller coaster and it's not stopping any time soon. I know what it's all about and deep inside, I know what I must do. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do.

Back in December, I went back to Hawaii to visit my family and although I was really excited at the prospect of seeing them again, I've never felt so much stress. My mother was the same and to tell you the truth, she hasn't changed onebit except for the fact that she looked healthier and more energetic than before. Perhaps she thrives on the arguments she gets into with my sister but whatever it is, it's doing her good. But it was my sister that stressed me out more than ever. I know that she's probably going through menopause so I have to try and be understanding, but I've never seen her more bitter, more condescending and insensitive to other people's feelings than I'd ever seen her. But like I said, she's going through a lot and she is after all, my sister so I'm going to cut her some slack. The thing about meeting them though and the things they said made me do a lot of thinking.

Now I know that I shouldn't let what others say affect me but when it comes from your family members, it tends to affect me just a little bit more. I cherish their opinions and maybe just a little too much. They had their opinions of what I should be doing with my life, who I should be dating and the list goes on and on. And yes I know this is the norm with every family out there. However I have to say that they put me through hell this time around. I'm going to be honest and I'm not going to lie to myself that they can sometimes make me feel worse than anybody else on earth.

Once I got back to my home in Tokyo, I did feel better. I had some time alone and I felt a sense of peace. This feeling of peace lasted pretty much the entire month of January. But today of all days, I feel a sense of unease. I feel as if I am in limbo and this has to do with the relationship I am in. My relationship has never been the best but I'm not the type to expect things from others. I accept. However this time, I am sensing a change in myself. Perhaps it's the lack of communication that's non-existent in my relationship. Or the fact that my feelings towards my partner is evolving towards a less good place. I really don't know yet because I haven't had time to process these feelings. All I know is that something's not quite right and it hasn't been for the longest time.

Now, one thing that my mother and sister says to me all the time is this, and truthfully this bugs me more than anything else. They feel that I should be thankful that somebody out there loves me. They make it sound as if I must hang on to this relationship no matter what the circumstances because I won't be able to do better. In other words, beggars can't be choosers. They remind me to "fear" the alternative rather than to encourage me to trust myself, love myself and respect myself the way I deserve to be. But then again, I won't expect anything from them because it is what it is.

I know I'm rambling all over the place today, but I needed to vent. I know I'll be fine. I just have to remind myself today what I promised myself years ago. To love myself and respect myself above all else. Because as Rupaul says in her shows, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else?